Search Results for "fucking stupid cunt"

So I'm sat behind this prick who obviously can't drive: he's weaving all over the road, cutting people up. So I'm sat there shouting at him, "You stupid Paki cunt, learn to fucking drive!"

At this point he told me to get out of his cab.
I was trying to get home in time for the football, but I was being held up by a learner driver. She was driving very slowly and kept stalling.

"Come on, you stupid cunt!" I shouted. "Get a fucking move on!"

She started crying and said it would be her last lesson with me.
I like to brag to people how my son handles financial transactions for a multi-billion pound corporation.

It's easier than explaining I raised a stupid cunt who cashiers at fucking McDonald's.
A few years ago, Roy Chubby Brown was giving a stand up comedy performance at a dinner, and about ten minutes into the set a guy got up and started walking towards the toilets.

"fucking hell," says Chubbs to the crowd, "where is this stupid cunt going?"

The guy looked up at Chubby and said, "I'm just nipping for a quick piss before the comedian comes on."
As I was walking into the pub toilet there was a bloke on his way out, he looked in real pain, his eyes were tightly closed and his face all screwed up.

I said to him "fucking hell mate what's happened to you, did you get your cock caught in your zip?"

He said "Fuck off you stupid cunt I'm Chinese!"
My wife said "I'm tired of you acting like such a fucking pussy all the time. When are you going to start acting like a man and stand up to people? If you carry on like this I'm leaving you for someone who is a real man."

"Fuck off you stupid cunt," I whispered, after she walked out of the room.
ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding.

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill themself to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually gay and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You always have snot on your clothes.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on incest.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centred cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.
My Auntie has a son Steve with Tourette's, I don't see them very often but I paid them a visit last Sunday.

Steve and I were sitting waiting for my aunty to bring in some tea when all of a sudden he looked at me and said, "open the door, you cunt."

I felt a little bit embarrassed and did not reply.

He said again, "open the fucking door, you stupid cunt."

I began to feel completely awkward and did not have a clue how I should respond, so just pretended I did not hear him say anything.

He started getting agitated and piped up, "you useless cunt, open the fucking door."

At which point, to my relief, my aunty came into the room and said, "don't worry, dear, he's just trying to tell you a knock-knock joke."
I was watching tv with the wife when the cat walked in and jumped right on my bollocks.

"Aaaaggghhh! You fucking cunt!" I yelled. "I fucking hate you! I wish you had never arrived in this house! All you do is make my nuts ache you stupid cunt!"

The cat got an earful too.

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