How to be famous:

IF YOU ARE A GIRL:

-Get on a reality TV show, like Big Brother or Shipwrecked, and spend whole duration of show with your baps out. Say things like "I'd definitely get a boob job!" and "I can't wait to get out and fuck some footballers." Start fake relationship with vapid male contestant. Dump vapid male contestant as soon as you are booted off show. Appear in Nuts or Zoo even if you have a face like borstal, with captions that make [...]

How to be famous:

IF YOU ARE A GIRL:

-Get on a reality TV show, like Big Brother or Shipwrecked, and spend whole duration of show with your baps out. Say things like "I'd definitely get a boob job!" and "I can't wait to get out and fuck some footballers." Start fake relationship with vapid male contestant. Dump vapid male contestant as soon as you are booted off show. Appear in Nuts or Zoo even if you have a face like borstal, with captions that make you sound like a slag. Allude to bisexual tendencies, confess to drunkenly snogging your female friends, and say your ideal lesbian experience would be with Angelina Jolie/Carmen Electra/Scarlett Johannsson, even though, you were brought up in a council flat in Hull, and you used to bully girls in school who showed the slightest tendency to be 'a bit different', often bricking them in the face, and shouting "you fat fuckin' lezza!". Say that Jordan is your hero.

-Present a late night quiz show, where drunken rapists phone in to win cash.

-Say john leslie raped you. Be john leslie's girlfriend, and stand by him amid rape allegations. Also appear in suck-job video that gets plastered all over the internet. Dump john leslie.

-Wine bottle. Fanny. Nuff said.

IF YOU ARE A MAN:

-Kill a prostitute.

-Kill several prostitutes, with a hammer. And then say God told you to do it.

-Drown a couple of kids in the bath, and then pretend you had nothing to do with it.

-Record an album of other people's songs, performed by other people, and then release it under your own name. Subsequently receive 'Best British Male Solo Artist' at the Brits, when you are clearly a fucking American, and the only thing you can manage to do solo, is have a wank..

Kill about six million Jews, and a few million gypsies and homosexuals.

Hope that's some help to you kids.

Stay Safe.