paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, paddy had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes paddy with them two arseholes'."
Abdul and paddy are begging outside a railway station. Abdul has a Mercedes, a large house and is loaded, paddy has fuck all. Abdul's begging hat is overflowing with with numerous notes but paddy has just a few coppers in his.
"How do you do it?" asks paddy.
"Look at your sign," says Abdul. paddy's sign reads: "Out of work, wife and six kids to support, please help." paddy then looks at Abdul's sign, which says: "I only need another £20 to get back to Pakistan."