I was reading the latest copy of Nuts magazine earlier and I read one of the 'Ladies confess' articles sent in by Jade from Southampton (we wont worry about keeping identities hidden).

Basically herself and a friend are out shopping and they notice a fit lad working the changing rooms so they drag him in with them (it's late and the store is empty). The girls start kissing, rubbing each other etc. Basically Jade and her friend are a pair of slags but to try and redeem herself and he [...]

I was reading the latest copy of Nuts magazine earlier and I read one of the 'Ladies confess' articles sent in by Jade from Southampton (we wont worry about keeping identities hidden).

Basically herself and a friend are out shopping and they notice a fit lad working the changing rooms so they drag him in with them (it's late and the store is empty). The girls start kissing, rubbing each other etc. Basically Jade and her friend are a pair of slags but to try and redeem herself and her inability to keep her knickers on she says, "I bent over and, after slipping on a johnnie, he entered me while I touched up my friend."

Bollocks! You Jade, are a filthy whore and your friend is just as fucking bad. There was no condom involved and because of you I lost my job, I got the clap and eventually a slap from my now ex-girlfriend and subsequently dumped. I'm glad your story didn't win the £50 prize. Cunt.

Mike, Southampton.

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself".

On the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he [...]

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself".

On the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already naked. He's so horny and keen to try out his new 'system' that he doesn't think twice and leaps on board.

After a few minutes 'slap and tickle', they find themselves in the '69' position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor's orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Just great, asshole...when I fired the pistol my wife shat on my face, bit three inches off my dick and my neighbour came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"

Top 10 porn myths.

10 - High Heels.
Women wear high heels to bed.

9 - Going Down
When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

8 - Ugly Middle-Aged Men
Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7 - Suck It
When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

6 - Busted
When your girlfriend busts you getting head from [...]

Top 10 porn myths.

10 - High Heels.
Women wear high heels to bed.

9 - Going Down
When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

8 - Ugly Middle-Aged Men
Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7 - Suck It
When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

6 - Busted
When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

5 - Oh Yeah
Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

4 - Enjoyable Sexual Practice
A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's ass.

3 - Pleasantly Surprised
Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

2 - Double Penetration
Double penetration makes women smile.

1 - Splat
Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.