Search Results for "wank dad"

I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on.

"Alright Mathew, it's about time you went to bed," I said.

"But dad, I'm 18," he protested.

"I don't care," I said. "You're not watching me wank."
When I was about 13, I accidentally jizzed all over the ladies underwear section of my mother's Littlewoods catalogue while having a wank. She went berserk and told my dad to deal with me. He taught me a lesson that I have never forgotten to this day.

Put cling film over the pages first.
Little Johnny came home from school,ran upstairs and into his parents bedroom.His parents were in bed having sex so Johnny asked what they were doing."we're playing poker",said his dad."I'm the King and your mother is the Queen".Next Johnny went into his sister's bedroom and found her having sex with her boyfriend.Again Johnny asked what they were doing."We're playing poker",said the boyfriend."I'm the King and your sister is the Queen".Finally Little Johnny went into his Grand-fathers bedroom and found him in bed having a wank.Johnny again asks what he's doing."I'm playing poker",replied his Grand-father,"I'm the King"."But where is the Queen",asked Little Johnny.His Grand-father replied,"who needs a Queen when you have a hand like this".
A guy had organised a poker evening with his work mates but couldn't find a babysitter for his 11 year son, so he warned him that he would have to behave himself while they played other wise he'd get sent to bed early.

Half way through the game his son started to run round and round the table calling out the cards everyone had in their hands.
He was sent to his room by his dad, but a few minutes later he re-appeared and started doing the same thing again.
Back to his room he was sent, but after a few more minutes back out he came spoiling the game again.

This happened three or four times before one of the work mates grabbed the kid and dragged him into his bedroom. After five minutes the man returned and continued playing cards and they managed to finish their game without any more interruptions from the boy.

At the end of the game the father asked his friend, how he'd managed to persuade his son to stay in his room all night.

"Ahh, it was easy," he replied. "I just taught him how to wank."
I found some porn in my dad's bedroom so obviously I couldn't pass up the opportunity to have a cheeky wank.

I'm surprised my mum let him take them photos of her though, the dirty dog.
My dad walked in on me once when I was doing something naughty in my bedroom and he just sighed, said "you'll go blind if you keep doing that!", and walked out.

So I stopped trying to poke myself in the eye with a pencil and had a wank instead.
When I was a teenager, I drilled a couple of holes into my bedroom wall so I could spy on my sister.

One night I was having a wank while watching her finger herself. Unfortunately, she noticed two eyes staring at her through the wall and went mental.

"You fucking pevert!" she screamed. "I'm telling dad!"

"He already knows," I replied.

"How does he know?" she asked.

"Put it this way," I said. "Only one of the eyes you can see is mine."
My daughter came off the netball court with a face like thunder.
"Christ dad!," she said, "You're so embarrassing!"
"What do mean?" I protested, "I wasn't the only parent cheering."
"No. But you were the only one having a fucking wank!"

Topic Search Results for "wank dad"