Search Results for "dog porn"

My brother walked in on me this morning watching porn on my laptop, wanking myself off with two fingers stuck up my arse, and the dog licking my balls.

'Wait 'til I tell everyone!!'

Little cunt was smug as anything until he asked me what porn video I was wanking over.

'You and and our little sister'

Suffice to say, my secret is safe.
Facebook Relationship statuses for Nerds:

Single = "I wank all day long and watch porn hoping for a Girlfriend"
In a Relatonship = " I talk to a girl on World of Warcraft, she says she loves me and
asks for my Credit Card details, like a real Girlfriend.
Engaged = "A girl from russia is on her way"
Married = "The Girl is here and i think she likes me, she doesn't speak english though."
It's Complicated = "She is starting to go out to nightclubs and bring men back to my flat"
In a Open Relationship = "She asks me to film her having sex with other men, i get to wank sometimes."
Widowed = "She only refers to me as the camera man now."
Seperated = "She has moved into some other guy's house"
Divorced = "I called immigration, she's going back to Russia"
In a civil partnership = "I have given up on women, now i suck cocks in the back of the comic book store"
This week I was diagnosed with HIV, my wife left me for my richer, handsomer, more successful younger brother, I got fired for refusing the sexual advances of my elderly male boss, my son told me he's leaving the army to have a sex change and become a trans-sexual porn star, my daughter married her crystal meth dealer & my dog was run down and killed by a joyriding chav.

But on the bright side, it's been two days since I last saw a bitstrip cartoon on Facebook.