I'm sweating like...

a dyslexic on Countdown
a Sri Lankian on a tour bus
a Sickipedian Watching Grange Hill
a paedo in a playground
a fat man at a buffet
a nun at a cucumber stall
Gary Glitter in Mothercare
a fat bird at a disco
Mel Gibson at a Bar Mitzvah
a Muslim at passport control
a blind lesbian in a fish market/sushi bar
a nigger on a rape charge
Vanessa Feltz on a treadmill
Michael Ba [...]

I'm sweating like...

a dyslexic on Countdown
a Sri Lankian on a tour bus
a Sickipedian Watching Grange Hill
a paedo in a playground
a fat man at a buffet
a nun at a cucumber stall
Gary Glitter in Mothercare
a fat bird at a disco
Mel Gibson at a Bar Mitzvah
a Muslim at passport control
a blind lesbian in a fish market/sushi bar
a nigger on a rape charge
Vanessa Feltz on a treadmill
Michael Barrymore at a pool party
a Scouser in Dixons
a gerbil in a gay bar
a fat kid in a sweet shop
a pregnant nun
a Geordie in a job centre
a dog outside a Chinese restaurant
a priest at a boy-scout meeting
Fred West's babysitter
Michael Jackson on a bouncy castle
Hitler at a Bar Mitzvah
a Scouser watching Crimewatch
a necrophiliac in a mortuary
a Priest Watching CBBC
a Necrophiliac at a funeral
an American on Sickipedia
Jade Goody's stylist
Jade Goody trying to buy life insurance
an American at a dietitian
a racist in Bradford
a Jew in a shower
a coon at a Klan Rally
a Scotsman at a charity fund raiser
Jock Stein at a boy's club
Bill Clinton at a feminist meeting
a Brazilian on a tube train
a Jew in a tax office
a gypsy in a room full of spoons
a Jew at a half price bacon sale
an Obama at an inauguration
a Jew in 1940
a black worker in a recession
a rhino in a power shower
an emo in a knife factory
a Yank in an exam
Holly and Jessica at a caretaker's house
a yank in a tower
Peter Sutcliffe in a red light district
a fat bird on E
Gary Glitter's travel agent
Shannon at a family gathering
a white man in London
a car windscreen in Liverpool
Ian Huntley at bath time
Francesca speeding down a hill on a makeshift sledge
an African child whose village is being visited by Madonna
a ginger at a party
a kid with a weekend invite to Neverland
Jerry McCann in a game of Cluedo
an undertaker visiting a cancer ward
me after posting a joke
Benitez at a press conference
a ticking Muslim
an Arab taking flying lessons
a Scouser in a terraced stand
a white guy eating a Milky Bar
an epileptic watching a strobe light
a fat cunt
a Scouser at a job interview
Jack Tweedy on his wedding night
Michael Jackson's baby shower
a paedo in Mothercare
a man wearing leather trousers
your mum when i come over for tea
a white guy in Bradford
dad when my sisters pregnant
a fat cunt in Gregg's
your daughter when I come knocking
Anne Frank when she plays her drums
a blonde on a stuck escalator
Lee Bowyer in a mosque
Wayne Rooney in an old folks home
a Jew in Hitler's house
a doctor on his way to Glasgow Airport
Lee Evans
an Austrian girl in her dad's basement
Madeleine McCann in Portugal
Muhammad Ali in a buckaroo competition
a paedo in a peter pan production
a paedo during WWII who's just found out he's going to be looking after some evacuees
a RBS employee sticking some paper through a shredder
Michael Jackson in a nursery
Joseph Fritzl at a family reunion
a blind poof in a sausage factory
an American
an Aussie at a bush fire
Dwain Chambers at a drugs testing
Simon Weston at a barbecue
Michael Hutchence in an Australian hotel room
Jamie Bulger's mum in a shopping centre
a hooker in Ipswich
Chris Brown on an assault charge
a naked boy with a catholic priest
a hair on my gooch
a Paki bastard
a black man watching Crimewatch
a Drug Dealer in a Chemist
Michael J Fox playing Operation
Jill Dando with a gun against her head
a dog in Chinatown
my dick when CBBC comes on the TV
Rihanna when she hears, "Honey, I'm home!"
a small girl when faced with a large dangerous hill and a sheet of metal
a Swede in a STI clinic
a Brit in AA
a Frenchie in a shower
a Swiss with a Machine that could destroy the fucking planet
a Canadian near a seal
a Dutchman in Rehab
a fat girl's pussy
a Women in a car
a Gay in America
a farmer in the wake of a foot and mouth break out
Harold Shipman in a retirement home
Barack Obama In Alabama
Gazza at Happy Hour
a hooded rapist
a gardener who's hired a spade
a Prostitute in Ipswich
an arm pit
Ian Huntly at a man U game
Stephen Hawking with the runs
a nigger on a rape charge
a Christian missionary in Islamabad
a nun in a cucumber field
like Josef Fritzl and Wolfgang Priklopil on MTV Cribs
like Joe McElderry climbing broke back mountain
like Jill Dando trying to find the door key

An American posted:

"A lot of us Americans may be fat, dumb, and lazy ... but at least we don't have Jade Goody.

Score one for America."

Sorry to disappoint you, but give it two weeks and neither will we.

Score two for the UK.

Getting rid of Jade +1
[...]

An American posted:

"A lot of us Americans may be fat, dumb, and lazy ... but at least we don't have Jade Goody.

Score one for America."

Sorry to disappoint you, but give it two weeks and neither will we.

Score two for the UK.

Getting rid of Jade +1

Not being American +1

Just thought I would save some people the effort of duplicating jokes.

So Michael Jackson, Jade Goody, Gary Glitter and a chicken are on a Air France flight, when Maddie comes out of the toilet proclaiming "You know you've had a good shit when you come back and someone's found your dead, raped and defiled body!"
The plane then crash-lands by a Library, [...]

Reveal the rest of this joke

Just thought I would save some people the effort of duplicating jokes.

So Michael Jackson, Jade Goody, Gary Glitter and a chicken are on a Air France flight, when Maddie comes out of the toilet proclaiming "You know you've had a good shit when you come back and someone's found your dead, raped and defiled body!"
The plane then crash-lands by a Library, Jade walks in and asks for a book on cancer to which the Librarian (who is Stephen Hawking) replies "Fuck off you won't bring it back!"
Statistically 9 out of 10 Gay, Black, Chinese and AIDS-suffering Dwarf Jews won't get this joke. But don't worry there's an app for that.
Carlsberg don't do duplicates ...

Jade Goody – A Biography (taken from the News of The World)

1. She faced court action over thousands of pounds of unpaid rent.
2. Just hours after arriving (on Big Brother), she had flashed one of her boobs and left viewers stunned with a torrent of foul language.
3. Jade was a figure of ridicule. Sh [...]

Jade Goody – A Biography (taken from the News of The World)

1. She faced court action over thousands of pounds of unpaid rent.
2. Just hours after arriving (on Big Brother), she had flashed one of her boobs and left viewers stunned with a torrent of foul language.
3. Jade was a figure of ridicule. She was branded a “pig”, two-faced and ignorant. Rival contestants labelled her “thick” and “ugly”.
4. Viewers switched on to watch tipsy Jade strip off during a drinking game to flash her “kebab”.
5. She thought East Anglia was called East Angular, and that it was somewhere near Tunisia. And she reckoned Rio de Janeiro was a person.
6. Jade kept trotting out the clangers . . . Mona Lisa was painted by “Pistachio”, Mother Teresa was from Germany, Portugal was “in Spain” and “Saddam Hussein was a boxer”.
7. Jade put it best herself when she confessed: “I may not be the sharpest tool in the sandwich box.”
8. “If I hadn’t made it on Big Brother I would probably have been living in a council flat with my mum.”
9. Lapping up the publicity, she once told a reporter she planned to dedicate a room in her house to all her front-page covers.
10. She started dating Jack Tweed. Jade had spotted him in a nightclub before, but had no idea he was six years her junior. She was smitten from the start, and the couple had sex on their first date at London’s Sanderson Hotel.
11. Their romance was to be played out in the full glare of the public when they both went into the Celebrity Big Brother house in 2007—joined by Jade’s mum Jackiey. But the programme that made Jade almost broke her this time as she became embroiled in a race row with Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty. She ranted at the actress: “You’re not some princess in f*****g Neverland. I don’t give a s**t. You’re a normal housemate like everybody else. You need to come to terms with that.” She added: “Go back to the slums and find out what real life is about lady.”
12. Later Jade confessed she wanted to headbutt the Indian actress and branded her “Shilpa Poppadom”.
13. Jade’s popularity nosedived overnight and Ofcom received a staggering 45,000 complaints. Her perfume was removed from the shelves and her autobiography dropped by publishers.
14. She then contracted cancer and turned out to be a fucking saint.

The end