The Sickipedia Awards!

Prize winners........bj

Most anticipated event. Winner: Jade Goody death!

Award for Daftest Cunt. Winner: Francesca Anobile!

Hide and Seek Champion. Winner: Madeleine McCann!

Living Legend Award. Winner: The Librarian!

And the Award for work over The past 25 years. Winner: Josef Fritzl!

Literary Prize. Winner: Elisabeth Fritzl's Diary

Lifetime Achievemen [...]

The Sickipedia Awards!

Prize winners........bj

Most anticipated event. Winner: Jade Goody death!

Award for Daftest Cunt. Winner: Francesca Anobile!

Hide and Seek Champion. Winner: Madeleine McCann!

Living Legend Award. Winner: The Librarian!

And the Award for work over The past 25 years. Winner: Josef Fritzl!

Literary Prize. Winner: Elisabeth Fritzl's Diary

Lifetime Achievement. Winner: baby P

Best Mum In The World. Winner: Karen Matthews

Ironic Suitable Name Award. Winner: Exodus Tyson

Best in Show. Winner: Susan Boyle.

Best Rolf Harris cover song.Winner: Michael Jackson for doing Two Little Boys

Services to Snow Business. Winner: Natasha Richardson

Outstanding contribution to politics, winner: Nick Griffin, BNP

Technological innovation. Winner: Apple's iPhone.
^ Can we get a clap for that?

Best nose dive award. Winner: Air France

Achievement in care-taking. Winner: Ian Huntley

Sporting Achievement. Winner: Newcastle United's Relegation

Sexiest Male: Susan Boyle

Sexiest Female: Cristiano Ronaldo

Services to Banality: Fles

"One Hit Wonder" award: Nangleberry Keen

Best advertising campaigns: Sheffield Star and Carlsberg

Rising talent: Little Johnny

Best Special Effects Make-up. Winner: Connie Culp

All-Round Male Award: Gary Glitter

Best supporting actor: David Carradine's rope

Best Game : GTA Merseyside Edition

Best one hit wonder: Princess Diana

Best looking male: Gordon Brown

Best Iranian by popular vote: President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Best window cleaner: David Camerons son

Sexiest hair: Jade Goody

Shittest wedding: Jack Tweed and Jade Goody

Funniest celebrity death: Jade Goody

'Don't fuck with' award - Shilpa Sheti

Thieving coon award - Obama

Best Tolerance award - Jews

Best pair of Tits: Jordan ? and Peter Andre

Funkiest Muggers- Diversity

Best Building Demolition Crew- Al-Qaeda

Light Welterweight Boxing Champion- Chris Brown

Best Olympic Ski Athlete - Francesa Anobile

Award for Gary Glitter's Entertainment: The Children in Vietnam

Jade Goody – A Biography (taken from the News of The World)

1. She faced court action over thousands of pounds of unpaid rent.
2. Just hours after arriving (on Big Brother), she had flashed one of her boobs and left viewers stunned with a torrent of foul language.
3. Jade was a figure of ridicule. She was branded a “pig”, two-faced and ignorant. Rival contestants labelled her “thick” and “ugly”.
4. Viewers switched on to watch tipsy Jade strip of [...]

Jade Goody – A Biography (taken from the News of The World)

1. She faced court action over thousands of pounds of unpaid rent.
2. Just hours after arriving (on Big Brother), she had flashed one of her boobs and left viewers stunned with a torrent of foul language.
3. Jade was a figure of ridicule. She was branded a “pig”, two-faced and ignorant. Rival contestants labelled her “thick” and “ugly”.
4. Viewers switched on to watch tipsy Jade strip off during a drinking game to flash her “kebab”.
5. She thought East Anglia was called East Angular, and that it was somewhere near Tunisia. And she reckoned Rio de Janeiro was a person.
6. Jade kept trotting out the clangers . . . Mona Lisa was painted by “Pistachio”, Mother Teresa was from Germany, Portugal was “in Spain” and “Saddam Hussein was a boxer”.
7. Jade put it best herself when she confessed: “I may not be the sharpest tool in the sandwich box.”
8. “If I hadn’t made it on Big Brother I would probably have been living in a council flat with my mum.”
9. Lapping up the publicity, she once told a reporter she planned to dedicate a room in her house to all her front-page covers.
10. She started dating Jack Tweed. Jade had spotted him in a nightclub before, but had no idea he was six years her junior. She was smitten from the start, and the couple had sex on their first date at London’s Sanderson Hotel.
11. Their romance was to be played out in the full glare of the public when they both went into the Celebrity Big Brother house in 2007—joined by Jade’s mum Jackiey. But the programme that made Jade almost broke her this time as she became embroiled in a race row with Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty. She ranted at the actress: “You’re not some princess in f*****g Neverland. I don’t give a s**t. You’re a normal housemate like everybody else. You need to come to terms with that.” She added: “Go back to the slums and find out what real life is about lady.”
12. Later Jade confessed she wanted to headbutt the Indian actress and branded her “Shilpa Poppadom”.
13. Jade’s popularity nosedived overnight and Ofcom received a staggering 45,000 complaints. Her perfume was removed from the shelves and her autobiography dropped by publishers.
14. She then contracted cancer and turned out to be a fucking saint.

The end