Baby Jokes

A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms.

"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin.

"My baby!" screams the mother.

"Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse.

However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.

"What are you doing?!" yells the mother.

"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"
The doctor came out of the maternity ward and said, "Mr Smith, I'm afraid your baby was still born."

I asked, "What, STILL, after all the shit I did to kill it?!"
For years, men and women have argued over which is more painful: being kicked in the bollocks, or giving birth.

So how can we reach an answer? Well, put it this way: about a year after a couple's first child, a woman will say, "Let's have another baby."

But I challenge you to find a man who, one year on, will turn to his mate and say, "Tell you what, Dave... Kick me in the bollocks again."