Bondage Jokes

Having a problem, maybe someone here can help

My Girlfriend had been hinting that she'd like to try a bit of pain in the bedroom.
I wasnt completely sure on how to administer the aforementioned pain but was sure I'd come up with something.

So one night we're fooling around.

I tie her up - she gets excited

I blindfold her - she giggles

I stub my fag out on her nipple - she dumps me

So anyway, I'm looking for a girlfriend who can be really specific, please let me know if thats you. Thanks.
A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"You gave me the wrong key!"