Bondage Jokes

Having a problem, maybe someone here can help

My Girlfriend had been hinting that she'd like to try a bit of pain in the bedroom.
I wasnt completely sure on how to administer the aforementioned pain but was sure I'd come up with something.

So one night we're fooling around.

I tie her up - she gets excited

I blindfold her - she giggles

I stub my fag out on her nipple - she dumps me

So anyway, I'm looking for a girlfriend who can be really specific, please let me know if thats you. Thanks.
A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"You gave me the wrong key!"
So my girlfriend's trussed up and tied to the bed with a dildo stuck up her arse. I'm in my Batman outfit and just as I start to piss on her she came out with the weirdest question.
"Why can't we just make love like a normal couple?" she said.
I was so shocked I fell off of the wardrobe.
I'll never understand women!