Fantasy Jokes

My wife told me that her fantasy fuck would be Brad Pitt.

Then she went mental because I told her mine.

Apparently Vicky from next door is neither a celebrity nor thirteen yet.
My wife and I were talking about fantasies after a few drinks the other night

"What's the dirtiest thing you'd like to do to me?" She asked

I replied "tie you up and gag you, fuck your arse till it bled, cum all over your face, then shit on your tits and rub it into your skin...what would you like?"

"A big black cock right in..."

I walked out in disgust...filthy bitch
This woman came into my shop earlier on the phone, whispering about the amazing sex she had last night.
She picked up a magazine and started flicking through it.
I shouted over, "Hey, this isn't a library!"

"I'm going to buy it," she replied.

I said, "That's fine, I just mean you don't have to talk so quietly."
My 13-yr-old daughter was just going out of the door.

"Stop right there," I said. "Where do you think you're going dressed like that?"

"Like what?" she asked.

"What about the see-through top and lacy bra," I said, "and the mini skirt with the stockings?"

"For fuck's sake. I'm not wearing them dad. I just want to go out in my jeans and T-shirt."
My wife asked me if I had any fantasies..

I said, "I've got this one where we pretend that we're complete strangers and have never met..."

She said, "What, and you pick me up in some bar?"

I said, "No... Just the first bit."
My girlfriend asked me to indulge her in something a bit kinky last night. She said she had this rape fantasy that she'd always wanted to try out.

Really regretting it now though. My arsehole hurts like fuck, and she says she'll kill my pet rabbit if I tell my parents.