Girlfriend Jokes

I found out by accident last night that my girlfriend is adopted.

We were in bed together and I'm shouting, "Who's the daddy, Who's the daddy?"

"I don't know!" she replied, "There's an agency looking for him but they don't have any clues."
Here's a tip for you:

When you start going out with someone, just after they go to sleep at night, put a nicotine patch on their arm. Then, just before they wake up in the morning, take it off again.

This way, if they ever leave you, they'll get withdrawal symptoms, think it's love, and come back.