Prostitutes Jokes

An old guy walks into a new pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

#1 CHEESE-BURGER: £1.50
#2 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £2.50
#3 HAND-JOB: £10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meagre looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
I caught my son listening to a song called "Smack my Bitch Up".

I took him to one side and explained it wasn't big or clever to hit women.

"But Dad", he said, "It's not about that at all. It's about injecting women with heroin so they can be manipulated into prostitution."

I apologised for my mistake.
A man staying at a hotel removed a card offering sexual services from a nearby phone box. Back in his hotel room he rang the number and a woman with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of assistance.
"Yes" he said. "I'd like a doggie in bondage gear, leather, PVC, whips, the lot. And then some hardcore spanking, rounded off with a blow job. What do you think?"
The woman said, "That sounds really good and I'd like to oblige, but if you press 9 first you'll get an outside line."
My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn.

I told her, I love my car but I still watch Formula 1 too.

She was happy with this analogy - I just never mentioned I also go to Hertz for the occasional rental.
A man on his way home from the pub decides to take a short-cut through an unlit park.

A woman approaches him and offers to fuck his brains out for £5.

The man thinks to himself that this is a chance too good to miss, so hands over the £5.

She leads him into a bush and they get under way.

A policeman happens to pass by, hears them at it and notices the bush shaking.

He approaches, shines his torch on the pair and asks the man what he's doing.

The man replies calmly, "I'm just having sex with my wife, officer. Do you mind?"

The officer responds, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realise it was your wife."

The man quickly replies, "That's quite alright, officer - until you shone your torch on her face, neither did I."