Stalker Jokes

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom. I sprinkled some more over the bed. I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table. I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening ever. I was quite nervous...


Now all I needed was the perfect way to introduce myself.
I was out for a drink with my mate last night.

As I'm a window cleaner, my mate asked me, "Do you ever catch people wanking or having sex when you are washing their windows?"

I said, "As a matter of fact, I always catch my very sexy neighbour fingering herself when I clean her windows."

He said, "Really? How often do you clean her windows?"

I said, "Every night at half 11."
I find the new blonde girl in our office really nosy and a tad creepy.

Last night she kept turning round to stare at me while I was following her home.
I stood anxiously waiting at the front door, when she appeared from around the corner.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"That number you gave me down the pub was wrong" I replied, with a beaming smile. "So I followed you home."
Those girls off Babestation are so false.

One minute they're all, "I want you, give it to me."

But then it's all screaming and "I'll call the police," when you turn up at their front door.