Women Jokes

Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"

He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"
A drug addict, a paedophile and a sadist are talking about what kind of women they like. The druggie says, "I like my women like I like my whisky: twenty years old and mixed up with coke."

"I like my women like I like my soda: a few months old and flat as hell," says the paedophile.

"Well," says the sadist, "I like my women like I like my wine: one hundred years old and locked up in a cellar."
I got a call at work today from the hospital. They said my wife had been admitted and she may have to be kept in overnight.

I was very worried; who would cook the dinner?
I got stopped by a woman up the high street today who wanted me to do a survey about sex. She said "where's your favourite place to have sex?"

I said "up her arse".

She didn't ask any more questions.