Olympics Jokes

I see the Aussies aren't doing very well in the Olympics,

But then: if they could run, they wouldn't have been Australians in the first place.
The government have advised people to watch out that they're not being sold fake 2012 Olympic tickets.

I think I'll be alright though. My tickets for the men's wheelchair triple jump seem genuine enough.
According to Sebastian Coe, "There is no greater feeling than representing your country at the Olympics."

Really? Surely having Angelina Jolie sitting on your cock, whilst you snort coke off Jessica Alba's tits would feel greater?
Now this is the story all about how
My sled got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I took a bad turn and caught mad air

In Soviet Georgia born and raised
On the ice luge where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, luging, relaxing all cool
Taking Russian hostages inside a school
When a couple of Reds, they were up to no good
Drove Russian tanks into my neighborhood
One separatist movement and my mom got scared
And said "You're going to Vancouver to catch mad air"

I waited for my start and when it came near
the course said "fast" and had a concrete barrier
If anything I could say that this track was rare
But I though nah, forget it, Nodar, catch air!

I slid up to turn number seven or eight
And I yelled to my trainer "Comrade, it's hard to steer"
Flew into a wall and I was finally there
Killed my self while trying to catch mad air.
Liam Gallagher, Russell Brand, George Michael, Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell...

Christ, it's a good job they don't do drug tests for the closing ceremony.