Jokes under Penis

Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.

"What's that, Mummy?" asks the child.
"Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.

A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?"
"That, son, is the elephant's penis."
"Mummy said it was nothing."
"Your mother's spoiled, S [...]

Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.

"What's that, Mummy?" asks the child.
"Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.

A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?"
"That, son, is the elephant's penis."
"Mummy said it was nothing."
"Your mother's spoiled, Son!"

Herb decided to propose to Sandi , but prior to her acceptance Sandi had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.

However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too. Herb looked Sandi in the eyes and said...

"I too have a problem. My [...]

Herb decided to propose to Sandi , but prior to her acceptance Sandi had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.

However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too. Herb looked Sandi in the eyes and said...

"I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."

Sandi and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon.

Herb whisked Sandi off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another... As Sandi put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!

Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"

"Yes, it is..." exclaimed Herb, "8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long."

Three gay men are in an internet chatroom bragging about the size of their dicks.

White guy: "My dick is so big I have to drop my trousers to take it out"

Black guy: "That's nothing, my dick is so big I can turn my monitor on and off with it while I'm sat in my chair"

Indian guy: "Well my dick is so big that if I laid it out on my keyboard it would stretch all the way from A-Z."

"Wait...shit!" [...]

Three gay men are in an internet chatroom bragging about the size of their dicks.

White guy: "My dick is so big I have to drop my trousers to take it out"

Black guy: "That's nothing, my dick is so big I can turn my monitor on and off with it while I'm sat in my chair"

Indian guy: "Well my dick is so big that if I laid it out on my keyboard it would stretch all the way from A-Z."

"Wait...shit!"

Ed went to see the Doctor. The Doctor asked what was wrong.
"Don't laugh!" said the patient Ed.
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient".
"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the [...]

Ed went to see the Doctor. The Doctor asked what was wrong.
"Don't laugh!" said the patient Ed.
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient".
"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Ed replied

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a Fifty Pound note on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a Fifty Pound note tattooed on hi [...]

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a Fifty Pound note on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a Fifty Pound note tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, for one...I like to watch my money grow.
"Two...once in a while I like to play with my money.
"Three...I like how money feels in my hand.
"And, lastly...instead of you going out wasting money on shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow Fifty quid anytime you want."

Larry is recovering nicely in the hospital...