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Jokes under Old People

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I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.
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Joke by Geoff the Clownfish in Other - Old People - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 2722.4


I tried mugging an old aged pensioner yesterday.

I said, "Give me all your money now, bitch, or you're geography."

"Don't you mean history?" she replied.

I said, "Don't try to change the subject."
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Joke by MICK THE MAG in Other - Old People - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago - Current Score: 1106.8


We are always told we should look after and keep an eye on our old neighbours.
Why the fuck should we? My 87 year old neighbour is such a lazy bitch, she hasn't even taken her newspapers in for two weeks.
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Joke by bobbydgg in Other - Old People - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 1083


I used to hate weddings. All the old dears would poke me and say, "you're next."

They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals.
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Joke by Mrwolf in Other - Old People - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 930


Boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled 'LSD'?"

Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"
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Joke by funkyfrog in Other - Old People - Added: 2 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 673.2


Imagine being 85. A comfortable seat in very pleasant surroundings where you can sit surrounded by people your own age mumbling nonsense all day. Imagine being attended by nice smiling people and genuinly thinking you are still important, whilst living very nicely at the expense of the taxpayer. Well, that's not for everyone of course. Some of us aren't fortunate enough to get a seat in the House of Lords. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by erniehill in Other - Old People - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 671.8


An old woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital.

So I pushed her under a bus.
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Joke by appy2be in Other - Old People - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 603


I went shopping earlier today and when I got to the checkout my trolley was overflowing with stuff falling on the floor. Stood behind me was a little old lady with just a tin of peas and a few sausages in her basket.
I said, "Is that all you've got, love?"
Her little face lit up and said, "Yes, dear."
I replied, "Well fuck off then, I'm gonna be ages!"
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Joke by dixie normous in Other - Old People - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 554


A city banker has just lost billions, the bank is just about to fold, thousands of people will be laid off, and the country could be plunged into a recession, all because of him. He's sitting at his desk on the 37th floor, and he decides there is nothing else for it, he opens the window, looks down at the pavement below and is just about to jump when a voice shouts "stop". He looks round to see the oldest dirtiest woman he's ever seen standing in the doorway.
"I am your [...]

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Joke by Sticky in Other - Old People - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 453.6


An elderly man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand pounds, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbour . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
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Joke by poosmellsyucky in Other - Old People - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 442.6



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