Jokes under Sickipedia

THE NEW SICKIPEDIA CONSTITUTION

Article 1
You MUST be funny. If you're not funny then just fuck off.

Article 2
This a a SICK jokes website. Save the light bulb jokes for when you go to visit your nan. Reading the jokes on this site should make you fearful that Interpol are going to come to your house and confiscate your hard-drive. Remember the three Rs of sick humour: racism, rape and 'rse'oles.

Article 3
(i) Jokes should be fairly sho [...]

THE NEW SICKIPEDIA CONSTITUTION

Article 1
You MUST be funny. If you're not funny then just fuck off.

Article 2
This a a SICK jokes website. Save the light bulb jokes for when you go to visit your nan. Reading the jokes on this site should make you fearful that Interpol are going to come to your house and confiscate your hard-drive. Remember the three Rs of sick humour: racism, rape and 'rse'oles.

Article 3
(i) Jokes should be fairly short - roughly the size of an Chinese guy's knob. No huge long stories please. Everyone here has A.D.D. from wanking too much (that's how you get it, you know).
(ii) No big list jokes please. Your 50 Ways To Have Fun in An Elevator is my 50 Reasons To Go Round Your House And Rape Your Cat.
(iii) If you know 20 good dead baby jokes, don't post them all in one go. And definitely don't post them as individual jokes one after another so nobody else can get into the new jokes list, you selfish prick. Try posting one per day.

Article 4
(i) Don't just copy and paste things from other joke sites
(ii) Especially American joke sites, because they're fucking rubbish.
(iii) If you post a Chuck Norris fact as a joke, then YOU ARE A CUNT.

Article 5
(i) This body acknowledges that Americans are fat, whiny, boring shitbags with the sense of humour of a five-year old that's been dropped on it's head. We hope that all the Fat Americans eat all the Skinny Americans, and then the Fat Americans die of food poisoning.
(ii) That said, YOU DO NOT NEED TO KEEP POSTING THINGS ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU HATE AMERICANS! We get it.
(iii) Funny how the people who write anti-American rants (a) only started doing it when they saw how successful mickle's rant was and (b) never have any popular jokes of their own.

Article 6
If you're going to do a joke about how foreigners can't speak English, then check your own spelling and grammar first. If not, we're all going to laugh at you and call you a fucking knob-end.

Article 7
If you post a message as a joke and say "PLEASE VOTE THIS UP SO EVERYONE CAN READ IT", you're a bigger cunt than people who post Chuck Norris facts.

Article 8
(i) Adding "Duplicate" to the end of a duplicated joke is acceptable. You probably don't need to say "DUPLICATE YOU FUCKING DONKEY COCK SUCKER!!!" unless the author really does suck donkey cocks.
(ii) Don't add things like "lol!" to the end of jokes you like, you big fucking gay.

Article 9
No fat chicks.

Article 10
While you were busy reading this, I was fucking your mum. Ha!

How to write a Sickipedia joke:

1. Originality counts for nothing, start with an old joke:
q. what did the zero say to the eight?
a. nice belt

2. Now change it so that the duplicate checker doesn't pick it up
q. what did the zero say to the eight?
a. nice belt.

3. Next, add a crime:
q. what did the zero say to the eight?
a. I used to have a belt like that, but someone stole it.
< [...]

How to write a Sickipedia joke:

1. Originality counts for nothing, start with an old joke:
q. what did the zero say to the eight?
a. nice belt

2. Now change it so that the duplicate checker doesn't pick it up
q. what did the zero say to the eight?
a. nice belt.

3. Next, add a crime:
q. what did the zero say to the eight?
a. I used to have a belt like that, but someone stole it.

4. Now spice it up with some racism
q. what did the zero say to the eight?
a. I used to have a belt like that but some nigger stole it.

5. And finally, a Sickipedia joke is not complete unless you claim to have Maddie
q. what did the zero say to the eight?
a. I used to have a belt like that but some nigger stole it and Maddie has chewed through my other one trying to escape

The Sickipedia Awards!

Prize winners........bj

Most anticipated event. Winner: Jade Goody death!

Award for Daftest Cunt. Winner: Francesca Anobile!

Hide and Seek Champion. Winner: Madeleine McCann!

Living Legend Award. Winner: The Librarian!

And the Award for work over The past 25 years. Winner: Josef Fritzl!

Literary Prize. Winner: Elisabeth Fritzl's Diary

Lifetime Achievemen [...]

The Sickipedia Awards!

Prize winners........bj

Most anticipated event. Winner: Jade Goody death!

Award for Daftest Cunt. Winner: Francesca Anobile!

Hide and Seek Champion. Winner: Madeleine McCann!

Living Legend Award. Winner: The Librarian!

And the Award for work over The past 25 years. Winner: Josef Fritzl!

Literary Prize. Winner: Elisabeth Fritzl's Diary

Lifetime Achievement. Winner: baby P

Best Mum In The World. Winner: Karen Matthews

Ironic Suitable Name Award. Winner: Exodus Tyson

Best in Show. Winner: Susan Boyle.

Best Rolf Harris cover song.Winner: Michael Jackson for doing Two Little Boys

Services to Snow Business. Winner: Natasha Richardson

Outstanding contribution to politics, winner: Nick Griffin, BNP

Technological innovation. Winner: Apple's iPhone.
^ Can we get a clap for that?

Best nose dive award. Winner: Air France

Achievement in care-taking. Winner: Ian Huntley

Sporting Achievement. Winner: Newcastle United's Relegation

Sexiest Male: Susan Boyle

Sexiest Female: Cristiano Ronaldo

Services to Banality: Fles

"One Hit Wonder" award: Nangleberry Keen

Best advertising campaigns: Sheffield Star and Carlsberg

Rising talent: Little Johnny

Best Special Effects Make-up. Winner: Connie Culp

All-Round Male Award: Gary Glitter

Best supporting actor: David Carradine's rope

Best Game : GTA Merseyside Edition

Best one hit wonder: Princess Diana

Best looking male: Gordon Brown

Best Iranian by popular vote: President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Best window cleaner: David Camerons son

Sexiest hair: Jade Goody

Shittest wedding: Jack Tweed and Jade Goody

Funniest celebrity death: Jade Goody

'Don't fuck with' award - Shilpa Sheti

Thieving coon award - Obama

Best Tolerance award - Jews

Best pair of Tits: Jordan ? and Peter Andre

Funkiest Muggers- Diversity

Best Building Demolition Crew- Al-Qaeda

Light Welterweight Boxing Champion- Chris Brown

Best Olympic Ski Athlete - Francesa Anobile

Award for Gary Glitter's Entertainment: The Children in Vietnam

Here are a couple of things from the feedback page, which made me laugh, and proud and all warm inside at the same time;

---

do you wanna no wa the problem is?
your site!
Im mean its sick
How can u make jokes lyk it
Im from bridgend n i think its sick n totally wrong wa u've sed
i made this account jst 2 b heard ur F*in sick delete the site ye?
U obv havnt a heart i tell u that okays!!!!!!
Sort ur life out okays
[...]

Here are a couple of things from the feedback page, which made me laugh, and proud and all warm inside at the same time;

---

do you wanna no wa the problem is?
your site!
Im mean its sick
How can u make jokes lyk it
Im from bridgend n i think its sick n totally wrong wa u've sed
i made this account jst 2 b heard ur F*in sick delete the site ye?
U obv havnt a heart i tell u that okays!!!!!!
Sort ur life out okays

From user: Girl..x 86.166.232.8

---

The jokes about h ow we should be happy that Jade Goody has cancer are absolutely sick. I know this is Sickipedia but these ones are seriously ot even funny.
Your all idiots for even trying to make a joke out of something which could cause death.

From user: Babydoll 86.170.191.15

---

We seem to be attracting quite a few feminists nowadays. Hopefully they'll get their tits out.