Jokes under Sex and shit > Size
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I met a popstar in a nightclub last night and we ended up getting really drunk and going back to my place.
She was all over me in the taxi, stroking and caressing my body and whispering filth into my ear, but as soon as she got through the front door she stiffened up and her attitude changed completely. "What the fuck is that pathetic little thing?" she demanded. "How the hell do you think that you're going to satisfy me with that?" [...] |
 
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Joke
by ray piste in Illness and mortality - Obesity (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year ago - Current Score: 1,317.6
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I read a text message my wife had sent to her best friend whilst going through her phone. It said, "Off to the shop to buy some AA batteries. I'm horny as hell and I want to hit the places my husband can't reach." It would have been less embarrassing if she actually owned a vibrator. |
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My ex-girlfriend is trying to blackmail me by threatening to post full frontal nude photographs of me on the Internet. I don't see why she thinks I'd be worried though. I've seen those photos and you can barely even make out my cock. |
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| I work for Sky Broadband...... and my cock is "up to" 16 inches long. |
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Joke
by nobrot in Sex and shit - Penis (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 173.8
| If women are so obsessed with big cocks why are they so fucking happy when they make a smaller tampon? |
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Joke
by Yogibear612 in Sex and shit - Tampons (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 146.4
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My guaranteed plan to get any girl: put a 12 inch ruler on my table at home, put a little mark by the 11 inch then invite her round for coffee. If that doesn't work, just rape her. |
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I met a girl in a club the other day. We had all the same interests and I finally plucked up the courage to tell her that I had a foot fetish. There was silence, then she replied, "so do I."
I was so excited and rushed her back to my flat. We got in the bedroom, I kissed and licked her feet all over until I got the biggest raging hard on. You can imagine my disappointment when she got up, put her clothes on and walked out. "Whats up?" I shouted - [...] |
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Joke
by pumpdaddy in Sex and shit - Feet (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 78
| When I finished with my girlfriend she went round and told all her friends I had a small cock, but they disagreed. |
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Joke
by dezpark in Sex and shit - Penis (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 73.2
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A bunch of guys are sitting at the local bar. They get pretty drunk, and the topic turns to Bubba at the end of the bar who, as everyone knows, has the biggest dick in town. One of the guys gets enough courage to go up to Bubba and ask him why he's got the biggest schlong around.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before bed, I tug on my dick and tap it on the bedpost three times." "That's it?" asks the drunk. "Yup," says Bubba. [...] |
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Joke
by jockney-gone in Sex and shit - Adultery (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 72.8
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I was trying to get in the knickers of this bird in a club last night. "Yeah, I regularly work out," I bragged. "And I'm also a member of the Territorial Army." "Well, aren't you a proper little Action Man?" she said, seemingly impressed with my chat. Then she rubbed her hand against my crotch, "Oh." she said disappointedly. "Oh dear. Just like an Action Man." |
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