Jokes under Crime > Murder
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"I've got a new nickname for you," I told my wife today. "What is it?" she asked. "Bambi," I replied. "Aww, is that 'cos I've got beautiful eyes?" she asked. "No, it's because I've just killed your mum," I replied. |
 
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| My son will soon be getting to that age where he acts like my cat. He'll start bringing birds home in such poor condition I'll have to take them into the backyard and kill them with a brick. |
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I went out into the garden and, to my horror, my wife was slumped on the grass. The fucking dog had dug her up again. |
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My mother said to me at dinner last week that I overreact too much to criticism. So I shot her. |
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In the news; "Woman arrested for killing her kids whilst on holiday in Spain". Silly bitch should have gone to Portugal, she would have got away with it there. |
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Joke
by boldie in In The News - Missing Persons (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 1,449.6
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Did you hear about the Tesco van running over a family of four pakis? Every little helps! |
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My wife has the body of a 16 year old school girl. She keeps it in the fridge. |
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Joke
by drnano in Crime - Murder (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 1,259.6
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BBC News: Jo Yeates' body was missing sock How on Earth did the police mistake a discarded sock for a human body? |
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I was walking down the high street the other day when a woman came up to me and said, "A cow was murdered to make that jacket, you know." So I sneered at her and said, "I didn't realise there were any witnesses - now it looks like I'll have to kill you too." |
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Joke
by mamma mia in Crime - Murder (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,110
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A Northern Territory farm hand (an Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager.
"Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the truck. The pig's ok, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my truck and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out." The manager says, "Ok, there's a .303 rifle behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him." Five minutes later the farm hand c [...] |
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Joke
by bobbydgg in Crime - Murder (+ 2 more) - Added: 4 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 1,095.8
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