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Jokes under Illness and mortality > Suicide

3206
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back." 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by ht in Illness and mortality - Suicide (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 22,255


216590
I asked the Librarian for a book on suicide.

"You're in luck." she said, "Some bald bloke's just brought it back." 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Kiwisicki in Illness and mortality - Suicide - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 1,287.8


1219645
Kurt Cobain killed himself one month after Justin Bieber was born..

He knew. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by NinjaRaver in Illness and mortality - Suicide (+ 2 more) - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 1,150.2


7035
I had a mate who was suicidal.

He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke submitted by Philthy, originally by Tim Vine in Illness and mortality - Suicide - Added: 4 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 1,019.8


511939
My wife and I planned to commit suicide together.

But once she'd killed herself, things suddenly looked a lot more positive. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Cumquat in Illness and mortality - Suicide - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 962.6


265743
A man walks into a library covered in bruises, cuts everywhere and strangle marks around his neck. He slams a book down on the counter and says,
"This is fucking useless." 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Scooterloot in Illness and mortality - Suicide (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 940


105509
When Kurt Cobain was young his mother told him not to play with guns.
But it went in one ear and out the other. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Tommy Gavin in Illness and mortality - Suicide - Added: 3 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 868.2


1151606
I was on a plane to Switzerland with my wife.

Halfway through the flight, a man jumped out of his seat and pulled out a gun.

"This is a hijack!" he screamed. "If anyone makes a move, I'll kill 'em!"

My wife held my hand for comfort. I looked into her eyes, smiled, and then pushed her into the aisle.

The hijacker shot her in the head, before being wrestled to the ground by a couple of passengers.

Everyo [...]

 I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Biscuit777 in Illness and mortality - Suicide - Added: 6 months ago - Current Score: 842.2


161182
I'm a retarded attention seeker and I'm going to kill myself!

And I'm going to do it every day until someone listens to me... 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil in Illness and mortality - Mental Illness (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 774.4


803986
BBC NEWS: French Chef commits suicide after critics attack.

After further investigation, it turns out he simply lost the huile d'olive. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by 999funny in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 758.4



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