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Jokes under Illness and mortality > Smoking

71195
My doctor told me that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die."

The other two apparently become immortal. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by MRMIdAS in Illness and mortality - Smoking - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 1,187.2


297821
For my New Year's Resolution, I have decided to only smoke after sex.

If 2009 is anything to go by, I've quit. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by viper2121 in Illness and mortality - Smoking (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 785.2


274169
Isn't it funny how smokers' lungs stop working after they turn black? I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by breadbin in Racism - Black (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 750.4


51754
A survey has shown that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke submitted by Staffer, originally by Fletcher Knebel in Illness and mortality - Smoking - Added: 3 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 721.2


282777
I was in B&Q the other day and had a rolled up cigarette behind my ear.

The bloke behind the counter said, "Sorry sir, you can't smoke that in here."

I looked blankly at him for 10 seconds then replied.

"I have a hole in my arse, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna shit on the conveyor belt does it?" 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by pumpdaddy in Illness and mortality - Smoking - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 477.2


298473
viper2121 wrote:

For my New Year's Resolution, I have decided to only smoke after sex.

===============

I couldn't bring myself to do that, second hand smoke is really bad for young kids. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by oldmantannam in Sex and shit - Paedophile (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 476.6


145650
Cigarettes are just like weasels.
Both are completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and try to set fire to them... 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by THE TRUTH in Illness and mortality - Smoking (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 463.4


878409
I've just read a report that cardboard packaging made from recycled newsprint can cause cancer.
I'm really worried now as for many years I've been buying my cigarettes packaged in this stuff. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Boogaloo in Illness and mortality - Smoking (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 436.4


237528
I caught my son with a packet of cigarettes yesterday. To punish him I tied him up in the garden, doused him in petrol and set him on fire.

I thought it would be enough to teach him a lesson, but I just looked outside and he's still smoking. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow in Illness and mortality - Smoking - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 413.8


899357
It's been exactly a year since I stopped smoking.

And 364 days since I started again. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by waldo in Illness and mortality - Smoking - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 356.4



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