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| A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend: "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything." His friend replies: "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?" "No, I never found the head." |    |
Joke by caliban, in Sex and shit > Necrophilia - Tagged 100 - Current Score: 1642 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Two sperms are having a race. One sperm says, "fuck me all this swimming is knackering me, how long till we reach the womb?" The second sperm says, "ferking long way to go yet mate - we've only just gone past her tonsils!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Sperm - Tagged 100 - Current Score: 741 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| The next time your wife or girlfriend refuses to give you a blowjob, just remind her that it's a lot easier for them to drink a spoonfull of milk than it is for you to lick a dead fish!! | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged 100 - Current Score: 183 - Added: 3 months ago
| Teacher draws a penis on the board, then asks "Does any one know what this is?" Little johnny says, "My dad has two of them, a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitter's teeth". | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged 100 - Current Score: 156 - Added: 10 months ago
| A woman comes home to find her husband blow drying his dick, She says 'What the hell are you doing?' he answers 'Heating up your dinner' | |
| Why do women have foreheads? You have to kiss them somewhere after a blowjob. | |
| A man goes in to his doctors surgery and asks, "Doctor, do you think I will live until I'm 100?" The doctor asks, "Do you drink, smoke or do drugs?" The man replies, "No". The doctor then asks, "Do you like to sleep around with women, and go out partying?" The man replies, "No, I don't." The doctor then asks, "Well, why the fuck do you want to live until you're 100 then?" | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , life , live , 100 , smoke , drugs , beer , shit life - Current Score: 126 - Added: 1 month, 23 days ago
| When my wife came home last Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me asleep on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch telly all day, she yelled, "Watch yourself, Mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do." I thought......"I can't believe it - I'm going to get a fucking blowjob out of this!" | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged 100 - Current Score: 119 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| What's the difference between my girlfriend and Sickipedia? My girlfriend only goes down on my birthday. | |
Joke by RevvyB, in Jokes with no home > Sickipedia - Tagged 100 - Current Score: 117 - Added: 2 months ago
| A new priest has just started working at the local catholic church when the head priest, Father David, announces that he is going on holiday for a week. Father David asks the new priest if he wouldn't mind doing the confessions whilst he's away. Concerned that he is inexperienced, Father David gives him the latest handbook on what to do in the confession box. The new priest has been doing the job for five minutes when a young woman enters the box and says, "forgive me father, for I have sinned - I have had feelings of a carnal nature toward the man who cuts our lawn." The priest looks to his handbook, finds the section on sexual desire and gardeners, and relays the appropriate penance to the woman. "You must do five hail marys, and polish the church door brass." Later, a second woman confesses she has kissed the guy who came to fix the boiler. He looks in the handbook, finds the section on intimate liaisons with members of the plumbing trade and hands down a penance of ten hail marys, fifty counts of the rosaries, and an afternoon trimming the church candles. Much later a woman comes to the box and confesses that she has given the local policeman a blow-job. After a few minutes, the priest cannot find any mention of sucking a mans cock in the handbook and wonders what to do. He sticks his head out of the box just as a choir boy is passing, and asks the lad, "psst.. do you know what Father David usually gives for a blow-job?" Quick as a flash, the young lad replies, "a bag of Skittles and a Kit-Kat." | |
Joke by spazzy, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged 100 - Current Score: 116 - Added: 1 year ago
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