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| Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." "Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" "No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!" |    |
Joke by Katherine Boyle, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged 666 - Current Score: 77 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What are the three best things about Alzheimer's Disease? 1. You make new friends every day. 2. You can laugh at all the old jokes. 3. You make new friends every day. | |
Joke by sickijoki, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged 666 - Current Score: 56 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Why do they give Viagra to old men in nursing homes? So they don't piss on their slippers or roll out of bed | |
Joke by Cleveland, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged 666 - Current Score: 34 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Why is a pensioner's fanny like a pork pie? Because you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meat! | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Granny Shagger - Tagged 666 - Current Score: 29 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What is the difference between an old person and Jenga? Jenga doesn't spend 7 weeks in the hospital when it falls down! | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged 666 , old , people , jenga - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Two old chaps in their 80s, both with serious alzeimhers leave nursing home in Scarborough and sit staring out to sea. After several hours, one says "George know what I fancy" George replies "No What" Frank says "You know those ice creams with a stick of flake in" George says "Wait there ill go get two" Three hours later George returns, sits down and hands Frank a brown paper bag. Frank puts in his hand and pulls out a pie. "What this" he asks George says" A steak & kidney pie" Frank says "George you useless bastard, you forgot the chips" | |
Joke by sorbriquet, in Illness and mortality > Alzheimers - Tagged 666 - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Life explained On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?" And God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years" The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again. On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and Enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. | |
Joke by SuSu, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged 666 - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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