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| There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress' ok?" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and he delivered the line....... The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "you've ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "what happened, did I forget my line?" "No you twat," screamed the director, "you forgot the rose..." |    |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Actors - Tagged actor , aroma , mistress , forgot , director - Current Score: 175 - Added: 2 months, 2 days ago
| A man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but to get into Hollywood you have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name," replied the man. The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you have to change your name or I will not be able to represent you." "So be it!" replied the man, storming out. "I guess we will not do business together!" Five years later the agent opened an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope was a letter and a cheque for $50,000. The agent was awe-struck. Who would send him $50,000? He read the letter... "Dear sir, five years ago I came into your office wanting to become an actor. You told me I needed to change my name. I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed cheque is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice. Yours Sincerely, Dick van Dyke. | |
Joke by darylsws, in Sex and shit > Lesbian - Tagged dick , dyke , lesbian , actor , penis - Current Score: 74 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I've got a lot of time for people who choose to act in porn films. Saying that, it's usually about 3 1/2 minutes. | |
Joke by day_merchant, in Sex and shit > Pornography - Tagged porn , actor , masterbation - Current Score: 2 - Added: 1 week ago
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