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| According to the BBC website, 'cocaine users are getting younger'. I have always avoided illegal narcotics but, now I've found out that they actually reverse the ageing process, I'm going to give them a bash. |    |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Illness and mortality > Drugs - Tagged drugs , cocaine , age , viz - Current Score: 107 - Added: 1 month ago
| I'm still having sex at 87. It's only across the road from us at number 84, but my wife still doesn't notice. | |
Joke by albinobob123, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged cheating , affair , numbers , house , age , sex - Current Score: 78 - Added: 1 month ago
| My wife bought a whole range of those anti-ageing cosmetics yesterday, then spent the entire afternoon in front of the mirror applying various creams and potions to just about every part of her body. Later that evening, she came downstairs and said to me "Be honest darling - how old do I look?" I replied, "From your skin - 18; from your hair - 25; from your figure - 20." "Gee honey, you're in a flattering mood tonight," she said. "Hang on a sec," I said, "I haven't added them up yet." | |
Joke by poosmellsyucky, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , age , cosmetics , husband - Current Score: 70 - Added: 4 months ago
| A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical. The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, "well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?" And the man says, "oh, me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off." Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?" And she says, "that idiot, he's been pissing in the fridge!" | |
Joke by IchKommen, in Illness and mortality > Alzheimers - Tagged old , age , piss , god - Current Score: 51 - Added: 6 months ago
| At age 2, success is not shitting your pants. At age 12, success is having friends. At age 22, success is having sex. At age 52, success is having sex. At age 62, success is having friends. At age 72, success is not shitting your pants. | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Age - Tagged age , success - Current Score: 51 - Added: 9 months ago
| Two old men sitting in a retirement home chatting, "I'm full of aches and pains today Alf." "How do you feel?" Alf replies "Like a new born baby Fred" "Really?" Says Fred, "A newborn baby?" "Yes" says Alf, "No hair, no teeth, and I've just shat myself!" | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Jokes with no home > Men - Tagged old , age , men , baby , chatting , hair , teeth - Current Score: 26 - Added: 1 year ago
| At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that, after their wedding, she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities, Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger. Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents to more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more, they enjoy each other. But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that, at your age, you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.' Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?' The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages. | |
Joke by sticky, in Illness and mortality > Alzheimers - Tagged old , age , alzheimers - Current Score: 25 - Added: 1 month ago
| Isn't America wonderful? You can get married and have children aged 16, you can join the army and kill people aged 18... But you need to be 18 in order to rent porn or buy beer, because you aren't considered "emotionally mature" until that age. | |
Joke by erniehill, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged porn , america , usa , age , irony , army , beer , 16 , 21 , 18 - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 month ago
| What's the difference between girls aged 8,18,28,38,48,58,& 68? At 8 you take her to bed and tell her a story.At 18 you tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 you don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 she tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 you tell her a story to avoid taking her to bed. At 58 you stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 if you take her to bed that`s some fucking story! | |
Joke by pfcdenis, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged sex , bed story , age , girls , women - Current Score: 11 - Added: 8 months ago
| A 104 year old man was being interviewed on a local television station about reaching such a milestone age. The reporter asked the old man "whats the best thing about being 104? To which he replied "no peer pressure!" | |
Joke by Armand Hammer, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged age , senile , peer pressure - Current Score: 7 - Added: 4 months ago
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