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| In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery. Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs! Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms. |    |
Joke by caliban, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged amputation , disabled , woman , hospital , doctor , amputee , leg , arm , legs , arms , good , bad , news - Current Score: 59 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said, "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours." So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, "I got done faster than I expected to. John is down at the local pub." Sam went to the pub and saw John throwing darts. A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher - come back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's down at the soccer field." Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking goals. A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours." So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I'm sorry, John died." Sam said, "I understand - heads are tough." The surgeon said, "Oh, no! The surgery went fine! John suffocated in that plastic bag!" | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Illness and mortality > Amputation - Tagged amputation , dying , suffocation - Current Score: 49 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Gary answers the telephone, and it's a Casualty doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life." Gary says, "My God. What's the good news?" The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead!" | |
Joke by ht, in Illness and mortality > Amputation - Tagged car crash , amputation , death - Current Score: 31 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| This Joiner I know got both his hands chopped off in a circular saw. Upon arrival at the hospital, the surgeon said, "you should have brought your hands with you - I could have stitched them back on." He replied, "I would have done but I couldn't pick the fuckers up." | |
Joke by geemack, in Jokes with no home > Work - Tagged joiner , amputation , hospital , surgeon - Current Score: 8 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| I've been watching the Paralympics and the dedication from some of the athletes is outstanding - I mean, some of them would give their right arm just to be there. | |
Joke by ellis_12345, in Illness and mortality > Amputation - Tagged paralympics , amputation - Current Score: 6 - Added: 2 months ago
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