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| Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me, give me the drugs" She turns to her boyfriend and says "You did this to me you fucker" He replies casually "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said fuck off it'll be too painful" |    |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > Anal - Tagged anal , drugs , lady , labour , pregnant , pain - Current Score: 1040 - Added: 5 months ago
| I definitely do not understand women. My wife says I should be more like her 'perfect' gay male friend, but she screamed blue murder when I tried to shag her up the arse. | |
Joke by nevergreen, in Sex and shit > Sexist - Tagged sexist , wife , gay , best friend , arse , anal - Current Score: 202 - Added: 2 months ago
| A bus full of Nuns is along a dangerous mountain road and its brakes give out around a particularly tight corner and crashes down into a ravine where it explodes, all of the Nuns are incinerated instantly. The Nuns arrive at the exclusive Nuns entrance to Heaven (kinda like a VIP entrance to a rock concert but more cloud-like) where they meet Saint Peter who is standing next to a font which is filled with Holy Water. Saint Peter greets the Nuns and asks the first one in line, "Is any aspect of you impure in some way?" The first Nun replies, "Well... I did once see a man's penis..." Saint Peter tells her not to worry as the Holy Water will purify her vision, he then splashes some of the Holy Water onto her eyes and allows her into heaven. He asks the second Nun the same thing who replies "I did once... touch a man's penis." Saint Peter then purifies her vision and dips her hands in the Holy Water to purify her touch and then allows her into Heaven. Saint Peter is then about to ask the third Nun the question when the Nun at the back charges through the line to the front looking very exasperated. Saint Peter quickly asks, "What is the matter sister?" the Nun replies "Nothing's wrong I just want to gargle it before Sister Susan dips her arse in it" | |
Joke by D dude, in Religion and racism > Nuns - Tagged sex , nun , nuns , anal , heaven - Current Score: 181 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What is the difference between Jam and Jelly? You can't jelly your dick up your girlfriend's arse!! | |
Joke by pluvius, in Sex and shit > Anal - Tagged jam , jelly , anal , arse - Current Score: 168 - Added: 3 months ago
| Royal Wedding Night Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding, which got increasingly tighter around her feet as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they finally retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are absolutely killing me!" Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales worked on her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder!" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, my darling! But it's just so blooming tight!" "Come on, my prince! Give it all you've got!" she cried. Finally, when the shoe released, Charles let out a loud groan and Camilla exclaimed, "Aaahh! Oh, God, that feels sooo good!" In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See? I told you with a face like that, she would still be a virgin!" Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, bloody hell, darling! This one's even tighter!" To which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!" | |
Joke by Sticky, in Celebrity and news events > Camilla - Tagged camilla , anal , virgin , prince charles , queen , sex - Current Score: 168 - Added: 11 months ago
| Afer sex,i love nothing more than an apple cream pie... Just have to be careful Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow don't find out. | |
Joke by rs79, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged anal , apple blythe alison martin , apple martin , cream , cream pie , chris martin , gwyneth paltrow - Current Score: 155 - Added: 3 months ago
| A man is in bed with his new girlfriend, and they are trying to have sex for the first time. Despite their best efforts, it seems he is too well-endowed for his girlfriend to fully accommodate him. No matter what positions or types of lubricants they try, the girl is still in a lot of discomfort until eventually she says, "I can't carry on any longer; the pain is excruciating." The man looks surprised and replies, "Wow.. Excruciating? That's a big word for a six-year-old." | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged paedophile , anal - Current Score: 155 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Why are uncles like curries? Bad ones hurt your arsehole. | |
Joke by tom the storyteller, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged uncle , paedo , curry , arse , anal , child abuse , bad uncle , moob - Current Score: 138 - Added: 1 month ago
| A tramp walks into a jewellers, puts his hands down his trousers and starts fingering his arsehole. The sales assistant shouts at him 'Stop what you're doing and get out!' The tramp says 'You want to make your fucking minds up, you've a sign on the window says come inside and pick your ring in comfort.' | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Sex and shit > Anal - Tagged anal , fingering , arse , ring , dirty , tramp , shop , assistant , comfort - Current Score: 115 - Added: 1 year ago
| It was my wife's birthday yesterday, and she asked for a nice big ring. So I shoved my dick up her arse. | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Sex and shit > Anal - Tagged anal , maxmoore - Current Score: 100 - Added: 2 weeks ago
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