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| Two blokes in a pub. One says to his mate: "My wife is an angel." His friend replies: "You're lucky mate, mine is still alive." |    |
Joke by ben dover, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , angel , pub - Current Score: 122 - Added: 7 months ago
| When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the Door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?" And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. | |
Joke by Nangleberry Keen, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged christmas , santa , angel , tree , arse - Current Score: 105 - Added: 11 months ago
| A black man went parachute jumping. He leapt out of the plane, felt the rush of the wind and saw the ground getting closer. After a few seconds he reached for the rip cord to open his parachute. Just then an angel flew by and said to him, "if you love Jesus, don't pull that rip cord." The black man was very religious, so he took his hand away from the rip cord, saying, "yes, sir, I do love Jesus!" A few seconds later, the ground was a lot closer and his body began to be really tense. Once again, he reached for the rip cord and the angel flew by again, saying, "if you love the Lord Jesus, don't pull that rip cord." The black man's faith was strong and he took his hand away again. A few seconds later.......splat! The black man hit the earth and was killed instantly. And as the angel flew away he laughed to himself, "I don't know how I got to be an angel when I hate niggers so much." | |
Joke by NUFC, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged niggers , blacks , angel , jesus , parachute - Current Score: 57 - Added: 1 year ago
| In the centre of a park there were two naked statues, one male, one female. One day an angel comes down and brings them to life. He says: Ok you have 30 mins to do whatever you want. The statues climb down and run behind a bush. 15 minutes later they come back laughing. The angel says: You still have fifteen minutes. So the female statue says: Ok lets swap - this time You hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head. | |
Joke by cillers, in Jokes with no home > Revenge - Tagged pigeon , statue , revenge , angel - Current Score: 3 - Added: 1 month ago
| - Mam you're a liar! - What do you mean? - You said my little brother's an angel. - Yes. Well he is. - I just pushed him out the window, and he didn't fly... | |
Joke by dirt_on_my_shirt, in Jokes with no home > Kids - Tagged kids , angel , baby , flying - Current Score: 2 - Added: 1 week ago
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