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Browsing tag: army
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What's the difference between the army and a vagina?

Discharge is a good thing from the army.
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Joke by albinobob123, in Sex and shit > Vagina - Tagged army , discharge , vagina , albinobob  - Current Score: 177 - Added: 2 months ago

I am in the army and my sergeant said to me, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!"

To which I replied, "oh, thank you very much, sir!"
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Joke by welshmadman, in Jokes with no home > War - Tagged army , soldier , war , camoflage , world wars  - Current Score: 169 - Added: 4 months, 25 days ago

Why is sex like the army?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
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Joke by albinobob123, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged army , discharge , sex , albinobob  - Current Score: 111 - Added: 4 months ago

In 1991 a good friend of mine, who was serving in the British army in Iraq, was killed in a so-called "Friendly Fire" incident. I was delighted 10 years later when Muslims attacked America with what I insist on calling "Friendly Terrorism."I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged america , americans , army , british army , friendly fire , iraq war death , 11-9 , sort of true  - Current Score: 100 - Added: 2 months ago

I think that Prince Harry is endangering the lives of his fellow soldiers in the Army.

I mean with that ginger cunt there they can't fucking hide anywhere!
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Joke by Sausage Sucker, in Celebrity and news events > Prince Harry - Tagged prince harry , royalty , ginger , cunt , army  - Current Score: 84 - Added: 5 months ago

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries.

If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
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Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged insurance , army , captain , gi , battle , war  - Current Score: 68 - Added: 6 months ago

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women that he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back."
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Joke by sickirules, in Jokes with no home > Girlfriend - Tagged army  - Current Score: 59 - Added: 4 months ago

This is true and made me laugh:

There were two black soldiers in the Welsh Guards!

One was automatically called Midnight.

The other was slightly lighter and they called him 11.59
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Joke by ht, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged army , welsh guards , soliders  - Current Score: 55 - Added: 7 months ago

An Army captain calls his hard-as-nails sergeant major into his office. "Sergeant, I`ve just got a telegram that Private Jones` mother died yesterday. Go and tell him and then send him to me." The sergeant steps outside and has his men line up.
"Listen up men," he says. "Get your bunks ready for inspection. Oh, and Jones your mother died yesterday. Report to the captain."

The next day, the captain calls in the Sergeant and says, "Sergeant, that was a cold way to tell Jones his mother had died. And I`ve just learned that McGrath's mother has passed away. Tell him at roll call, but be more tactful this time."
"Understood, sir," the sergeant replies. He steps outside and bawls for his troops to fall in. "Everyone with a living mother, take two steps forward," screams the sergeant major. "Not so fast McGrath."
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Joke by Blue4012, in Jokes with no home > Military - Tagged mother , dead , army  - Current Score: 40 - Added: 11 months ago

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap, The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged army , dentist , toothbrush  - Current Score: 38 - Added: 6 months ago

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