Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 3 - Next Page
| One evening a priest was sitting on a pew at the front of his church, quietly praying to the Lord. A hot blonde suddenly came in and the priest asked her, "what can I do for you, my child?" The blonde immediately jumped on him and said, "I want you now! Take me!" "I beg your pardon?" the priest exclaimed. "Fuck me now," she said, "fuck me hard up the ass!" The priest by now was sweating and trembling at the sight of the blonde lifting up her blouse revealing a pair of huge tits. "But, my child, you are in the house of the Lord!" the priest desperately replied. "I don't care, take this horny virgin now you sexy son of a bitch!" the blonde exclaimed finally. The priest, now shaking, sweating terribly and feeling himself go hard, turned towards the front of the church and, looking up to the Lord, he cried "Jesus Christ, help me - what should I do?" "DON'T JUST STAND THERE YOU STUPID IDIOT, GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING CROSS!" he replied. |    |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > Jesus - Tagged priest , blonde , tits , jesus , ass - Current Score: 329 - Added: 4 months, 9 days ago
| In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day. The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink,and told him the story of his great ambition. Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked. The old man looked him up and down and said, "well, for one thing you're wearing your gun too high, tie the holster a little lower down on your leg." The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That's terrific!" said the cowboy, Got anymore tips for me?" Yep," said the old man, "cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw." The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot a cufflink off the piano player. "Wow!" said the cowboy, "I'm learnin' somethin' here - got anymore tips?" The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "No," said the old timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much" | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Cowboy - Tagged cowboy , gun , knife , ass - Current Score: 73 - Added: 7 months ago
| Jake, an older fellow, joins a nudist colony. At the reception, he paid the reception clerk $500 joining fee. The clerk tells jake 'strip off, put your clothes in your locker, and go through that door and have a look round'. Jake strips and walks through the door, and as he approaches a very beautiful woman, he gets an instant erection. 'Did you call me'? The woman said. 'No' Jake replied. She looks at his erection and said 'Around here when a man gets an erection near a woman we say he called her'. With that she grabs his cock and drags him to the nearest bed and fucks his brains out. When Jake recovers a little he enters the showers and as he is washing his cock and balls he lets out a very loud fart. A huge man enters the shower with an enormous erection, 'Did you call me'? He said. 'NO,NO,NO'! said Jake. 'Well around here' the huge man said 'When a man farts near another man we say he has called him'. With that the huge man bends Jake over the towel rail and fucks his ass hard and rough. Jake storms off to reception and yells at the reception clerk 'YOU CAN KEEP THE $500,I AM OFF,NEVER TO RETURN'! 'But Jake' answered the reception clerk 'You only just got here, you haven't experienced the colony yet'. 'I have experienced enough' Jake replied. 'I am 66 years old, I get an erection only once a month, but I fart at least 40 times a day'. | |
Joke by aliaSligo, in Sex and shit > Naked Body - Tagged ass , fart , fuck - Current Score: 48 - Added: 6 months ago
| The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read:PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. This was all too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE! The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer! | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged nun , ass , donkey , bishop - Current Score: 40 - Added: 8 months, 21 days ago
| A motorcycle cop comes across two bikers. One biker has two fingers up the ass of the other. " What the hell are you doing?" asks the cop " My buddy here's got some food stuck and is choking," says the one biker, "I'm trying to make him sick." "You're meant to stick your fingers down his throat, not up his ass," replies the cop. The first biker says, "Yeah, I know, but you get better results if you stick them up his ass first..." | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Hells Angels - Tagged biker , sick , throw up , butt , ass , finger , fingers , throat - Current Score: 30 - Added: 3 months, 21 days ago
| Little Johnny catches a glimpse of his pregnant mum in just her bra and pants. "Why is your tummy so large?" he asks. "Mummy has a baby growing in there" she replies. He thinks for a minute, then says "So what's growing up your arse?" | |
Joke by staffer, in Sex and shit > Little Johnny - Tagged ass , baby , large , pregnant , growing - Current Score: 29 - Added: 3 months, 20 days ago
| The man who appeared in the notorious internet web site goatse.cx died today. Friends and colleagues said his death would leave an enormous, gaping hole in their lives. | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged death , ass , gape , rob manuel , typical pose , butt plug , chocolate starfish - Current Score: 28 - Added: 11 months ago
| A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!" The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!" The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!" | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged ass , rectum , police - Current Score: 24 - Added: 8 months, 19 days ago
| The sad life of a penis: I've only one eye, my hair's a mess, my relatives are nuts, my neighbour's an arsehole, my best friend's a cunt, and my owner's a wanker. | |
Joke by bendawson10, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged penis , dick , cunt , balls , nuts , arsehole , ass , wank , wanker - Current Score: 19 - Added: 3 months, 12 days ago
| A married man keeps telling his wife "Honey, you have such a beautiful butt". Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful butt. The man's birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words "Beautiful butt" tattooed on her ass. She walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful butt. He looks and says, "You do have a beautiful butt". She then tells the man she wants Beautiful butt tattooed on her ass. The man tells her "I can't fit that on your ass, it takes up too much space. But I tell you what, I will tattoo the letters BB on each cheek and that can stand for beautiful butt. She agrees and gets it done. On the man's birthday she hears him come home and is only wearing a robe. She then stands at the top of the stairs. He opens the door and she says "look honey." She then takes off the robe she is wearing, bends over, and the man yells "WHO THE FUCK IS BOB?"! | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged tattoo , butt , arse , ass , wife , husband , birthday - Current Score: 19 - Added: 8 months ago
Page 1 of 3 - Next Page
Custurd spent 0.02ms doing 12 queries and 0.1s processing. She's 0.20% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel