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| The dying thoughts of a 9/11 victim: Is it a bird...? Is it a plane...? OH SHIT, IT IS A PLANE!!!! |    |
Joke by alastairmckee, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged nun , racism , swearing , nigger , asshole , shit , fuck , alastair mckee - Current Score: 42 - Added: 1 year ago
| Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favourite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews. Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble. Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it. Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." Tony thought for a second and said, "I wish this whole lake was beer." Poof! His wish came true. The lake was now filled with their favourite brew. Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said, "You asshole, now we have to piss in the boat." | |
Joke by stopher, in Jokes with no home > Fish - Tagged fishing , lake , boat , asshole - Current Score: 41 - Added: 11 months ago
| All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach,"Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? The asshole is usually in charge!! | |
Joke by lanttans, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged body parts , in charge , asshole - Current Score: 36 - Added: 11 months ago
| A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. "Well" he said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes". The little girl screams, 'Don't eat it..... Its a fucking arsehole! | |
Joke by baldlice, in Jokes with no home > Not Sure - Tagged deer , hunter , food , arsehole , asshole , girl - Current Score: 25 - Added: 4 months, 27 days ago
| Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!" | |
Joke by bluedishwasher, in Sex and shit > Anti Men - Tagged woman , asshole - Current Score: 17 - Added: 10 months ago
| A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading a newspaper. Suddenly he throws the paper onto the ground and yells, "all politicians are assholes." A man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit says, "I take offence to that!" The pissed-off guy asks him, "why, are you a politician?" "No," he replies, "I'm an asshole." | |
Joke by graham, in Jokes with no home > Politics - Tagged politician , asshole - Current Score: 16 - Added: 5 months ago
| What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? When you're driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole in front of you! | |
Joke by Cleveland, in Sex and shit > Pussy - Tagged driving , pussy , fog , asshole - Current Score: 15 - Added: 3 days ago
| A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm. "Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids ..." | |
Joke by mycockisbiggerthanyours, in Sex and shit > Orgasm - Tagged orgasm , husband , wife , sex , ass , asshole , kids - Current Score: 13 - Added: 9 months, 23 days ago
| A penis says to the nutsack one day: "Hey man, lets go out clubbing!" The nutsack declines and says, "No. You always get in and I get beaten up by some asshole!" | |
Joke by hoslaya, in Sex and shit > Balls - Tagged clubbing , penis , cock , asshole , sex - Current Score: 2 - Added: 8 months, 22 days ago
| Through meditation I've learned that I can control diarrhoea without taking conventional medicines. It's really easy, just a simple case of mind over splatter... | |
Joke by Wanky Spanky, in Jokes with no home > Puns - Tagged meditation , medicine , medical , diarrhoea , arsehole , arseholes , ringpiece , illness , shit , diarrhea , asshole , assholes - Current Score: 0 - Added: 2 weeks ago
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