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| The 2012 Olympics in London are going to be an amazing cultural experience. Imagine the hordes of international fans - Poles, Czechs, Russians, Hungarians, Latvians, Africans, Jamaicans, Indians, Pakistanis, Iraqis, Turks, Greeks, Thais, Australians, South Africans - all of whom will have travelled as many as 10 miles to watch these games. |    |
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Londoners - Tagged london , migrant , migrants , nigger , poles , czechs , pakis , paki , polish , niggers , australians , south african , iraqi , 2012 olympics , olympic - Current Score: 270 - Added: 7 months ago
| Hitler walks into the meeting room and turns to his trusted staff. "I want you to organise the execution of 10,000 Jews and 1 Australian." Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up, "Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill an Australian?" Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. "You see, no-one ever asks about the Jews." | |
Joke by wjh31, in Religion and racism > Hitler - Tagged hitler , holocaust , australians - Current Score: 209 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an "Australian treasure!" General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout troop visiting his military headquarters. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? | |
Joke by ht, in Jokes with no home > Real Quotes - Tagged cosgrove , prostitute , australians , scouts , guns - Current Score: 137 - Added: 8 months ago
| On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia chippy on the Gloucester Road. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Celebrity and news events > TV - Tagged australians , bbc , fish - Current Score: 79 - Added: 1 month ago
| Michelle Williams has been offered the position of England Cricket coach. The ECC believed that her experience of fucking Australians and bringing home the ashes would be a great asset | |
Joke by Monkeyman, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged heath ledger , michelle williams , widow , cricket , aussies , australians - Current Score: 48 - Added: 9 months, 30 days ago
| A student of criminal psychology decides to do his thesis on people who sexually abuse animals, and in particular, men who shag sheep. He takes a flight to Australia, and meets a sheep farmer and, amongst other things, asks him how he actually has sex with the sheep. "Well its quite simple, cobber - you grab the bastard by the tail, hold tight and slip your cock in." The student later travels to New Zealand and asks a farmer there the same question. "Ah, we're with the Aussie jokers on that one - grab it by the tail, hold on and fuck it from behind." Finally, the student goes to Wales and asks a farmer there how he does it. "Well it's bloody awkward, see - first you find your sheep, then you finds a stone wall, then you grabs the sheep by the front paws, bend its back over the wall and fucks it like that." The Student replies "Why don't you fuck it from behind like they do in Australia and New Zealand?" "Fuck it from behind? How am I supposed to kiss it?" | |
Joke by waynster, in Religion and racism > Welsh - Tagged bestiality , welsh , sheep , australians , new zealanders , wales , sex , kiss , cock , aussie , aussies , australia , new zeland - Current Score: 47 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| I went on that Dragons' Den once but I got kicked off straight away... Apparently "Drive Thru Pub" isn't a great idea. | |
Joke by Aspen, in Celebrity and news events > Dragons Den - Tagged dragons den , pub , australians - Current Score: 25 - Added: 1 week ago
| The Australian Prime Minister flies to England for a meeting with the Queen. Over a cup of tea, the PM brings up his grand new plan for Oz. "Your majesty, mate," he begins. "Can we turn Australia into a kingdom, in order to increase our role in the global economy?" The Queen shakes her head and replies, "One needs a king for a kingdom, and unfortunatly you are most certainly not a king." Not to be dissuaded the politician asks, "Would it be possible to transform Austrailia into an empire, then?" "No," replies the Queen. "For an empire you need an emperor, and you are most certainly not an emperor." The PM thinks for a moment and then asks if it's possible to turn Australia into a principality. The Queen replies, "for a principality, you need a prince." Pausing for a sip of her tea, Her Majesty then adds: "I don't mean to appear rude, but having met both you and several other Australians, I think Australia is perfectly suited as a country." | |
Joke by lawtom, in Religion and racism > Australians - Tagged australia , australians , queen , cunts - Current Score: 6 - Added: 1 month ago
| Out backpacking in Australia, I got stuck in a small outback town waiting for a bus. So I thought I'd kill time by getting a beer and some grub in the local watering hole. As soon as I walked in, I was greeted by a bunch of questioning faces. Then somebody said, "hope you're not a fucking pervert, coz we hate perverts in our town, see!" I just said, "no, I'm not, I'm just waiting for my bus." This seemed to calm them, so I ordered a beer and some food and sat quietly in the corner. As usual, nature called after my meal, so I asked, "where is the toilet?" The barman said, "the dunny is out the back. And don't make a fucking mess!" Well, when I got outside I was stunned to see two huge piles of festering shit. The first one about six foot high, the second about four feet. So, almost gagging, I climbed up the smaller of the two piles and started to curl one out. No sooner had I started, when one of the guys runs out kicks the shit out of me and said, "I knew you were a fucking pervert, you dirty bastard, you were in the fucking ladies!" | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Religion and racism > Australians - Tagged australians , shit toilet , bar , perverts - Current Score: 5 - Added: 2 months, 30 days ago
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