Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill. "What was that?" The others asked her. "Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a pill. "What was that?" the others asked. "Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong." They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill. "What was that?" the others asked her. "It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this fucking sweater!"

Babies: The worst kind of STD.

Part 1: How do you fit 50 babies into a bucket? With a blender. Part 2: How do you get them out again? Doritos.

Why do doctors slap new born babies arses at birth? To make the dicks fall off the stupid ones.

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree? My cock while I'm doing it.

The latest statistics show that people on Tyneside are naming their babies Keegan. Experts assure them they'll be walking within 8 months.

An Englishman, Welshman and West Indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys. "There's just one problem," she says. "Because they were all born at the same time, we got the tags mixed up and we don't know which baby belongs to whom. Would you, as their fathers, mind coming to identify them?" The men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies. Immediately the Englishman stoops down and picks up the black baby. "Yes, this is definitely my baby," he says confidently. "Um, excuse me," says the West Indian, "but I think it's fairly obvious that this is my son." The Englishman pulls him aside and says, "I see where you're coming from, mate, but one of these babies is Welsh and I'm not prepared to take the risk."

Why can't Chinese couples have caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a White!

What's 18 inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? Cot death.

What does the sign say above the nursery in a Muslim maternity ward? "Live ammunition."

Custurd spent 0.5ms doing 12 queries and 0.01s processing. She's 1.12% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel