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| What's the difference between the government and organised crime? One is organised. |    |
Joke by b3tard, in Celebrity and news events > Government - Tagged bad , omnononoonm , organized , crime , b3tard - Current Score: 193 - Added: 9 months ago
| Half of relationships end because of bad sex. Mine however ended because of good sex... With another Woman. | |
Joke by AS, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , good , bad , relationships , finger , woman - Current Score: 192 - Added: 5 months ago
| In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery. Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs! Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms. | |
Joke by caliban, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged amputation , disabled , woman , hospital , doctor , amputee , leg , arm , legs , arms , good , bad , news - Current Score: 59 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| What's the difference between a battery and a chav? A battery has a positive side. | |
Joke by Ciabi, in Religion and racism > Jehovahs Witness - Tagged chav , battery , positive , negative , side , good , bad - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| What's the difference between payday and a guy who's crap in bed? Payday never comes too early. | |
Joke by superhorse, in Sex and shit > Ejaculation - Tagged bad , sex , payday , premature - Current Score: 32 - Added: 9 months, 28 days ago
| Overheard at the gynaecologist's surgery. "Hello Mrs Ellis, I have some great news for you! "It's Miss Ellis, not Mrs.!" "In that case, Miss Ellis, I have some bad news for you!" | |
Joke by geebee, in Sex and shit > Pregnancy - Tagged miss , mrs , good , bad , news , classic , carry on up your cunt , matron , kenneth williams - Current Score: 24 - Added: 3 months ago
| This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts. Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her." Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news." Again the guy interrupts. Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?" Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing." The guy slumps, just crushed. Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, cleaning her and giving her constant care on a daily basis, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years." The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry. Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid." By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably. The doctor reaches over, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Hey, look at me." The guy looks up and the doctor smiles and says, "I'm just fucking with you, she's dead." | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , man , hospital , news , bad , waiting , care - Current Score: 20 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. They went to 60 games a year and even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond. "Bob is that you?" Earl asked. "Of course it me," Bob replied. "This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?" "Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?" Earl excitedly replies, "Tell me the good news first." "Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl." "Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?" "You're pitching tomorrow night." | |
Joke by joecorby, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged baseball , death , friends , pitching , good , bad , news - Current Score: 16 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What's good on a pizza, but bad on a pussy? Crust. | |
Joke by nikhil101, in Sex and shit > Pussy - Tagged pussy , crust , bad - Current Score: 14 - Added: 10 months ago
| How do you know when a date is going badly? When you spike your own drink with rohypnol. | |
Joke by newzero, in Sex and shit > Relationships - Tagged date , drink , bad , rubbish joke - Current Score: 13 - Added: 5 months, 30 days ago
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