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| A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living fuck out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and clientele stood silent and motionless. Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened: Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?" Scouser: "Dunno, something about a 'job'." |    |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged scouser , homosexual , fight , gay , bar , wanker , liverpool , job , work , gay bar , punch , kick , punched , kicked - Current Score: 352 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A Paki went into a bar and asked, "could you recommend your finest port?" "Yes," said the barman. "Dover, now fuck off." | |
Joke by Rexton, in Religion and racism > Asian - Tagged racist , port , dover , paki , pakistan , pakistani , bar , barman - Current Score: 263 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No" Duck says: "Got any Bread?" Barman says: "No" Duck says: "Got any Bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fucking bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf? We haven't got any fucking bread. Ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar, you irritating bastard bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" | |
Joke by kitkat456, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged duck , bread , pub , bar , animal , nail - Current Score: 209 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A police officer is parked outside a bar one night when he sees a drunk man stumble out the door. The man staggers through the parking lot and falls down. He tries his keys in five different cars before getting in and driving off. The cop immediately pulls him over and makes the man take a breathalyser test. The man blows a 0.0. "This thing must be broken," the cop says. The man responds, "nope, tonight I'm the designated decoy!" | |
Joke by Cleveland, in Jokes with no home > Drinking Jokes - Tagged drunk , bar , police , drinking - Current Score: 193 - Added: 11 months ago
| This scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to canada. After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about 5 or 6 whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal antlers on the wall with. He asks the barman "What the fuck is that?" The barman says "It's a Moose" The scottish chap says "Fuck me! How big are the cats!? | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Scottish - Tagged moose , cat , canada , scottish , mountain , bar , whiskey , animal , antler - Current Score: 191 - Added: 4 months ago
| A Muslim walks into a bar. No-one survived the blast. | |
Joke by johanelmander, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslims , explosion , bar , terror - Current Score: 185 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| A horse walks into a bar, The barman asks, "why the long face?" To which the horse replies, "I've got AIDS." | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > AIDS - Tagged aids , horse , bar - Current Score: 172 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. "I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder. "Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal. "Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man. Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist." "A what?" asked the builder. "Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?" A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens." "Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?" "A pond" the builder replied. "Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house." "I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly. "Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..." The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children." "Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life." "Five nights a week!" the builder boasted. The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often." "Never!" the builder exclaimed. "Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!" The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?" "Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist." "A what?" the puzzled second builder asked. "Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?" "No" replied his mate. "Well, you're a wanker then!" | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged bar , builder , logical , scientist , wanker - Current Score: 157 - Added: 10 months ago
| I met my wife at a Singles Bar. Funny thing is, I thought she was at home looking after the kids. | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged singles , bar , cheating , shagging - Current Score: 155 - Added: 3 months, 18 days ago
| A man walks into a pub with his monkey. He orders a pint and sits down to drink it. While he`s sitting at the bar, his monkey is out of control. It jumps up on the pool table and eats the cue ball. The landlord runs up to the man and says, "Did you see what your stupid monkey just did?" "No, what did the stupid fucker do this time?" says the man. "He just ate the cue ball!" shouts the landlord. "I hope it kills the stupid bastard," says the man. About two weeks later the man comes back to the pub with his monkey. While he`s drinking at the bar his monkey is again out of control. The monkey finds a grape at the bar picks it up, sticks it up his arse and then pulls it out and eats it. The landlord having seen this asks the man, "Did you see what your sick monkey just did?" "No," says the man. "He just stuck a grape up his arse and ate it," the landlord tells him. "Well, what do you expect?" asks the man. "Since that pool ball he measures everything first!" | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged monkey , pool ball , pub , grape , arse , bar - Current Score: 141 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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