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| It's that time of year again. The sun's out and all the hotties are down the beach. I love the school holidays. |    |
Joke by Robby, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged school holidays , beach , kids - Current Score: 244 - Added: 4 months ago
| Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi beach, couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. "Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "You're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!" The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick! So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "JAHEESUS!" said the lifeguard. "Mate, the potato goes in front!" | |
Joke by andino, in Sex and shit > Shit - Tagged paddy , beach , potato , shit - Current Score: 122 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A couple were having friends round for dinner and decided to go for a French evening, with snails etc. The man got the shopping list and volunteered to do the shopping, while his wife tidied up. On the way back from the shops he bumped into an old pal and they went for a pint or five. Half pissed and an hour and a half late, he staggers up to the garden gate. He quickly gets the bag of snails out, lines them up on the path and rings the bell. Before his wife can even think about moaning, the man looks at the snails and says..... "Come on you little fuckers, get a move on, we're never going to get ready at this fucking rate!" | |
Joke by zip, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged wife , husband , dinner party , beach - Current Score: 55 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Apparently the head found on the beach in Arbroath had been battered. They'll fry anything in fucking Scotland. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Arbroath - Tagged scotland , beach , head , severed - Current Score: 49 - Added: 7 months ago
| Two parents take their son on a holiday and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mum and says "Mummy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mum says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Minutes later he runs back and says, "Mummy, I saw men with willies a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mum says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mummy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!" | |
Joke by milo123, in Sex and shit > Nudist - Tagged nude , beach , boobs , mummy , daddy - Current Score: 44 - Added: 10 months ago
| Two gays are on the beach. One says: "Shall I put the brolly up?" The other one replies: "Yes, but don't open it for fucks sake!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged gay , brolly , beach - Current Score: 39 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| What do you call Jade Goody with her family and friends relaxing on a beach in Cuba? Bay of Pigs. | |
Joke by bicycle day, in Celebrity and news events > Jade Goody - Tagged jade goody , pig , cow , cuba , beach - Current Score: 31 - Added: 3 months ago
| A man is lying on a beach asleep when a big gust of wind covers him in sand, the only thing sticking out is his big toe. 5 minutes later a woman is strolling along and sees the big toe, with the beach empty and knowing that her chances of getting a fuck any time soon were slim to none she pulls her bikini to one side and rides the big toe. Once she has a shuddering orgasm she gets off the toe, pulls her bikini bottoms back and strolls off. 10 minutes later tha man wakes up oblivious to everything that has happened, shakes the sand off and walks home. 3 days later the man wakes up with a really itchy toe and takes a trip to the doctors. After much examination the doctor says "im sorry to tell you this but you have syphilis of the big toe" "shit, syphilis of the big toe!, that sounds rare" replied the man to which the doctor replied " you think that's rare , i just diagnosed a woman with athletes cunt" | |
Joke by pumpdaddy, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged sex , toe , beach - Current Score: 27 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach? | |
Joke by lorddread, in Sex and shit > Old - Tagged old , sex , funny , ladies , beach , lifesaver , lifegaurd - Current Score: 21 - Added: 6 months, 26 days ago
| Little Daljit lost all of his family in the flooding in Bangladesh. On the plus side, he does not have to walk so far to the beach anymore. | |
Joke by ramalam, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged floods , beach , disaster - Current Score: 18 - Added: 4 months ago
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