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| A prostitute goes to the doctor complaining of morning sickness. The doctor says, "Congratulations! Do you know who the father is?" The prossy replies, "If you ate a tin of beans, would you know which one made you fart?" |    |
Joke by billysollocks, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged prostitute , doctor , beans , fart , pregnant , pregnancy - Current Score: 50 - Added: 8 months ago
| What do you call a German baked bean? Heinz. | |
Joke by Jasper_Scotland, in Jokes with no home > Food - Tagged food , joke , germans , beans - Current Score: 4 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, ''He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems.'' So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans. A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off any ill effect by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner, and before she knew it she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her, exclaming delightedly, ''Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'' He then blindfolded her then led her to a chair at the table. Just as he was about to remove the blindfold the phone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold till he came back. Then he went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted the weight to one leg, and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelt like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk coming from a pulp mill. She took a napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears turned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signed the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with the napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contently to herself, she was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removes the blindfold to reveal twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a first Happy Anniversary! | |
Joke by thornado, in Jokes with no home > Farting - Tagged farting , beans , anniversary , woman - Current Score: 3 - Added: 3 days ago
| Two tramps are walking through the park when one finds an unopened tin of baked beans. All excited he whips out his swiss army knife, opens the tin and begins to gulp down the beans. Halfway through he realises his greediness and turns to his mate... "Sorry mate, do you want some?" he asks "No, it's ok... I don't like beans" replies the friend. When he's finished they set off walking again and after about 5 minutes the 1st tramp starts throwing up. There's beans everywhere. His mate drops to the floor and starts licking up the freshly vomited beans. 1st tramp says "Eh... I thought you didn't like beans" His mate replies "I don't miss the chance of a hot meal, either!" | |
Joke by andino, in Jokes with no home > Tramps - Tagged vomit , beans , tramps - Current Score: 1 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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