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| My wife got me to tie her to the bed last night. When I did, she said that I could do anything I wanted. So I had a shave and fucked off down the pub. |    |
Joke by ghost, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged pub , wife , shag , fuck , tie , bed , pint , lovely stuff - Current Score: 166 - Added: 3 months ago
| A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem. In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself". On the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already naked. He's so horny and keen to try out his new 'system' that he doesn't think twice and leaps on board. After a few minutes 'slap and tickle', they find themselves in the '69' position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor's orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Just great, asshole...when I fired the pistol my wife shat on my face, bit three inches off my dick and my neighbour came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!" | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged doctor , sex , man , problem , wife , bed , naked , 69 - Current Score: 108 - Added: 1 year ago
| What's the worst thing about being a paedophile? Having to go to bed so early! | |
Joke by AS, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged paedo , as , kid , bed - Current Score: 101 - Added: 3 months ago
| A consultant surgeon asks his colleague, "Have you informed the Paki in bed 9 he only had a week to live?" "Yes." he replies "Oh you cunt! I wanted to tell him!" | |
Joke by comandhaveagoifyouthinkyourhardenough, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged bed , paki , cunt - Current Score: 101 - Added: 4 months ago
| A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: - 5% said it was to get a glass of water. - 12% said it was to go to the toilet. - 83% said it was to go home. | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Jokes with no home > Man - Tagged man , survey , night , bed - Current Score: 70 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| What's the worst thing about being a paedophile? Having to go to bed at 7pm. | |
Joke by Cleveland Steamer, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged paedophile , bed - Current Score: 69 - Added: 1 year ago
| How do you know when it's bedtime in Michael Jackson's house? When the big hand touches the little hand. | |
Joke by JossDude, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Jackson - Tagged michael jackson , paedophile , paedo , paedophillia , michael , jackson , big , little , hand , clock , time , bed - Current Score: 61 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Woman: Would you get married again? Man: Definitely not! Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married? Man: Of course I do. Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry? Man: Okay, I'd get married again. Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face) Man: (audible groan) Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed? Man: Where else would we sleep? Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do. Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs? Man: No... she's left-handed. | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged man , woman , married , sleep , bed , pictures - Current Score: 53 - Added: 1 year ago
| My wife says that I'm misogynistic: I don't know what it means. So I've told her that, when she brings me the newspapers and my breakfast in bed in the morning, to fetch me a dictionary as well. | |
Joke by billysollocks, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged misogynistic , newspapers , wife , breakfast , bed - Current Score: 45 - Added: 4 months ago
| Why did police find Shannon Matthews underneath the bed? 'cause that's where monsters live. | |
Joke by Ravage monster, in Celebrity and news events > Shannon Matthews - Tagged bed , monster - Current Score: 43 - Added: 5 months ago
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