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| A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second." "That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it's started." |    |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , beer , tv - Current Score: 1004 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| How many Muslims can you fit on a Boeing 747 ? Who cares - when they get out of the fucking country we can have a beer to celebrate | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslims , boeing 747 , beer - Current Score: 327 - Added: 3 months ago
| Apparently scientists have found female hormones in beer. It's true: After 6 pints you talk shite and can't drive. | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged beer , female , hormones - Current Score: 308 - Added: 11 months ago
| What do you call a Muslim desperate for a drink? Allah Vabeer | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslim , paki , beer , drink - Current Score: 257 - Added: 2 months ago
| A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged cowboy , texas , walk , gun , beer , cowboys - Current Score: 203 - Added: 6 months ago
| A man goes in to his doctors surgery and asks, "Doctor, do you think I will live until I'm 100?" The doctor asks, "Do you drink, smoke or do drugs?" The man replies, "No". The doctor then asks, "Do you like to sleep around with women, and go out partying?" The man replies, "No, I don't." The doctor then asks, "Well, why the fuck do you want to live until you're 100 then?" | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , life , live , 100 , smoke , drugs , beer , shit life - Current Score: 125 - Added: 2 months ago
| I see the government has announced they're gonna put warnings on ciggies and alcohol in picture form... The fags are gonna have pictures of cancerous lungs, and the beer's gonna have pictures of fat birds. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Jokes with no home > Beer - Tagged beer , government , fat birds , beer goggles - Current Score: 123 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| My Dad used to collect empty beer bottles; which is a nicer way to say he was an alcoholic. | |
Joke by offended?, in Illness and mortality > Alcoholism - Tagged alcoholic , beer - Current Score: 122 - Added: 1 month ago
| One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says, "Oh, just a beer." The bartender asked the man, "What's wrong, why are you so down today?" The man said, "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month." The bartender said, "So, what's wrong with that?" The man said, "Well, the month is up tonight." | |
Joke by slider1874, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged barman , beer , wife , talk , month - Current Score: 108 - Added: 3 months ago
| It's now official, beer is cheaper than fuel. So this summer: "Drink, Don't Drive" | |
Joke by niggers out, in Celebrity and news events > Petrol Prices - Tagged petrol , diesel , beer , drink - Current Score: 107 - Added: 2 months ago
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