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| Skimpy black dress: £60 Sparkly shoes: £80 Expensive make-up: £45 Nightclub ticket: £10 Seeing the look on her face as she wakes up in a filthy flat, covered in semen, you next to her with a massive grin on your face - priceless. There are some things money can't buy - in which case, use ROHYPNOL. |    |
Joke by laba, in Sex and shit > Drugs - Tagged slag , bitch , club , dress , shoes , woman , bird , rohypnol , rape , drugs , mastercard , priceless - Current Score: 183 - Added: 1 month ago
| What do you call a female peacock? A peacunt. | |
Joke by nassi, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged peacock , bird , cock , cunt - Current Score: 140 - Added: 5 months ago
| There really is no pleasing some women. I recently put up a bird table. My wife went fuckin mad... I don't know why... i gave her 6 out of 10, which is more than fair.. | |
Joke by pally76, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , bird table , women , bird , pleasing - Current Score: 133 - Added: 5 months ago
| I showed this bird my dick the other night. She said, "that's small, I thought you said you had at least a foot." I said, "no, I said I had athlete's foot!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged bird , dick , foot - Current Score: 110 - Added: 5 months ago
| I met this bird last night who was a right ugly fucker, I said "What's your name?" "Tuesday" she replied. I said, "that's a strange name." She said, "yeah, when I was born my mum and dad looked in the cot and said, 'I think we'd better call it a day.'" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Ugly - Tagged pig , moose , ugly , tuesday , bird , cot , day - Current Score: 106 - Added: 4 months ago
| My mate Steve always says, "Once you go black, you don't go back." So I finally took his advice last night, and shagged a black bird. Have to say, I really enjoyed it once I figured out how to stop it pecking at my testicles. | |
Joke by bleary, in Sex and shit > Other - Tagged once you go black , you dont go back , blackbird , bird - Current Score: 103 - Added: 5 months ago
| I shagged a black bird the other day. Now the RSPCA are after me. | |
Joke by joke disaster, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged black , nigger , bird - Current Score: 103 - Added: 1 month, 23 days ago
| I swept this bird off her feet today. Roundhouse kick to the tits usually does it. | |
Joke by grammer_natzee, in Sex and shit > Sexist - Tagged bird , sexist , kick , roundhouse , tits , feet , woman , man , sexism - Current Score: 97 - Added: 5 months ago
| A man walked into a pub with a sweating Ostrich under one arm and a sopping wet cat under the other and sat down at the bar. "What can I get you?" asked the landlord. "Pint of best bitter for me", said the man. "Stella", said the Ostrich, fanning itself with a beer mat. "Is it me, or is it hot in here?" "Pint of Guinness and I'm not buying." snarled the cat, shaking the water off it's back. "OK, that'll be six pound twenty, please guv." said the landlord. The man reached into his pocket, brought out the exact change and paid him. Fifteen minutes later the landlord noticed their glasses were empty and asked, "Same again, guv?" "No" said the man, "I think I'll have a stella", "And your, er - pets?" "Pint of Stella", said the Ostrich. "And make sure it's ice-cold. It's roasting in here." "I'll have a Pint of Guinness and I'm not fucking paying." said the cat. "And get me a towel, I'm soaking." The landlord complied and said: "That'll be seven pound ten pence, please, guv." The man reached into his pocket, brought out the exact change and paid him. An hour later their glasses were empty again and the landlord walked over to them and asked: "What'll you have?" "I'll have a vodka tonic", said the man. "Double brandy on the rocks", said the Ostrich. "And make sure there's plenty of ice in it. I'm burning up!" "Pint of Guinness and I'm still not paying." said the cat. "And get me another towel, this one's wringing wet!" The landlord complied and said: "OK. That'll be nine pound twenty, please." The man reached into his pocket, brought out the exact change and paid him. By now the landlord's curiosity had got the better of him and he asked: "Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in you pocket?" "I found this bottle on holiday in Turkey with a genie in it and she granted me three wishes." The landlord was intrigued. "May I ask what they were?" "Certainly", replied the man. "My first wish was that I would always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I wanted to buy." "That's a pretty clever wish. What were your other two wishes?" "That's where I blew it. I asked for a really hot bird with long legs and a tight, wet pussy." | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged geenie , bird , cat , bar - Current Score: 91 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| I met this bird at a club the other night, after several vodkas i said to her "Would you like to sit on my face?", and she said "Why?, is your nose bigger than your dick!!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Bird - Tagged bird , nose , vodka , face , dick , mike reid , credit the comedian in the tags - Current Score: 74 - Added: 14 hours ago
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