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A bloke is watching TV, his wife is out at bingo. As he is settling down his son, who was watching TV up in his room, appears in the doorway. "Dad, what's love juice?" The dad chokes on his beer and thinks, "Well he is 12 now perhaps I should explain". "Well son" he says, "soon you will meet a girl who you fancy, you will become exited, your willy will get very hard." The dad gulps and carries on. "You will touch the girl all over and when you reach the top of her leg it will feel wet, this is her love juice coming out of her vagina, it means she is ready for sexual intercourse." The son looks curious and says, "Ok dad thanks." As he is leaving the room the dad says, "Hang on son, what are you watching up there to make you ask that?" The son replies "Just the Tennis." |    |
Joke by treefella22, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged kids , tv , sex , tennis , misunderstandings , father , son , talk , birds , bees - Current Score: 189 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| The Bird Feeder I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it lovingly with seed. It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table and next to the barbecue. Then came the bird shit. It was everywhere; on the patio tile, the chairs, the table... everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone.I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. Now let's see.... Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.Then the illegal?s came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 or more families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by a doctor in an emergency room because it is filled with illegals; Your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'The Union Jack' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.It?s just my opinion but: Maybe, just maybe, it's time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder. | |
Joke by parktower, in Religion and racism > Assylum Seekers - Tagged britain , birds , asylum , illegals - Current Score: 82 - Added: 8 months ago
| What's yellow and goes "cheep cheep"? ... A Chinese prostitute | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged sex , birds , chicks , chinese , prostitute - Current Score: 65 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| little Bobby says to his dad " Do you and mummy keep birds in your bedroom?", Daddy says "No, What do you mean?", and bobby says "Well, last night i was passing by your room, and i heard you say to mummy "Do you wanna swallow , or should i let it fly?" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Little Girl/little Boy - Tagged swallow , birds , mummy , daddy , little , bobby , fly - Current Score: 43 - Added: 8 months, 23 days ago
| Helpful hint for ugly birds - move to Dewsbury.I mean,if Karen Matthews can get 5 different shags... | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Karen Matthews - Tagged ugly , birds , dewsbury , karen , matthews - Current Score: 38 - Added: 7 months ago
| If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow. | |
Joke by Katherine Boyle, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged birds - Current Score: 31 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| It's amazing how some people have double standards. I was out with my friend last week and a bird shit on my head, and when it happens to me he's killing himself laughing. He finds it funny. Oh, but when the tables are turned...and I shit on a birds head, apparently it's "wrong" and we "can't be friends anymore". | |
Joke by donkeyjoker, in Jokes with no home > Stand Up - Tagged double standards , birds , shit , friends - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 month ago
| Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted." | |
Joke by Lupercal, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged birds , adopted , turtle , tree - Current Score: 13 - Added: 5 months, 25 days ago
| What kind of STDs can birds catch? Chirpies. It's a canareal disease and is sometimes untweetable. | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged stds , birds , animals , herpes - Current Score: 12 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Please don't be sexist. The birds don't like it. | |
Joke by coofercat, in Jokes with no home > Sexist - Tagged birds - Current Score: 10 - Added: 2 months, 25 days ago
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