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| A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms. "Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin. "My baby!" screams the mother. "Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse. However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window. "What are you doing?!" yells the mother. "April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!" |    |
Joke by We Are The Lemon, in Illness and mortality > Dead Babies - Tagged baby , dead , dead baby , april , fools , april fools , mother , mum , pregnant , birth , hospital , nurse - Current Score: 746 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| My wife gave birth to a baby boy last week. I was pretty disappointed because I was hoping for a girl. I mean, I'm not really into gay stuff. | |
Joke by iyt69, in Sex and shit > Child Abuse - Tagged paedo dad , fuck , kids , baby , paedophile , sex , birth , shagging , gay - Current Score: 197 - Added: 2 months ago
| This bloke is pacing up and down at home while his wife is in hospital giving birth. The phone rings and the bloke answers. "This is the hospital, sir, your wife has given birth to twins. However, there are more on the way." The bloke puts the phone down and takes a large swig of vodka. The phone rings again. "This is the hospital, your wife has had another little boy, and there are still more on the way." The bloke drinks the whole bottle of vodka - by now he is totally wankered. He picks up the phone to ring the hospital to find out if she's had any more babies but, by mistake, he rings lords cricket ground. When the phone is answered, he asks, "what's the latest?" And the person on the line says, "97 all out, and the last one was a duck!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Baby - Tagged hospital , vodka , cricket , duck , twins , birth - Current Score: 127 - Added: 1 month ago
| Paddys' wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital. On arrival the nurse asks "How dilated is she?" To which paddy relies,"Oh Jaysus we're both over the fucking moon" | |
Joke by cooperman, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged paddy , birth , hospital , dilated , jaysus - Current Score: 64 - Added: 1 month ago
| I used to think i was trapped in a woman's body... Then I was born | |
Joke by buzz-lightyear, in Sex and shit > Pregnancy - Tagged birth , pregnant , woman - Current Score: 40 - Added: 3 months ago
| I have been using Viagra for over a year now and I am pleased to announce the birth of my first child, a boy, born yesterday. I'm amazed, he can already stand up.... | |
Joke by staffer, in Sex and shit > Viagra - Tagged stand , viagra , baby , birth - Current Score: 35 - Added: 2 months ago
| If a stork delivers a white baby and a crow delivers a black baby, what delivers no baby? A swallow. | |
Joke by Badvirus, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged babies , birth , storks , swallow - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| There are three pregnant women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. To break the silence the brunette says "apparently the position you do when you have sex determines the sex of the baby, I was on top so I'm having a boy". The redhead then adds "Well I was underneath so that means I'm having a girl". The blonde then says worryingly "Oh sh*t, I'm having puppies". | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , birth , doggy style - Current Score: 10 - Added: 11 months ago
| What did I get last time I tried my luck with a girl in a nightclub? Nine months and my name on a register. | |
Joke by ididyourmom, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged prison , 9 months , girl , nightclub , pregnancy , birth , child - Current Score: 6 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Simon Weston must be the only Dad in the world where he is quite happy that the kids don't look like him.... | |
Joke by theharpsicle, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged simon weston , birth , dad - Current Score: -1 - Added: 4 months ago
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