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| A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave." |    |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged birthday , wife , doorman , ladies , husband , cab , club - Current Score: 251 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A man walks into a fishmongers with a salmon under his arm. "Do you sell fishcakes?" he asks. "Of course," says the fishmonger. "Oh good," says the man,"it's his birthday!" | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Fish - Tagged salmon , birthday , cake , happy birthday - Current Score: 163 - Added: 11 months ago
| It's my mate's birthday today. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or cheat on his missus. We've got no idea how to celebrate it. | |
Joke by munkybars, in Jokes with no home > Mates - Tagged celebrate , gamble , drink , smoke , birthday - Current Score: 156 - Added: 2 months, 26 days ago
| I once went 12 years without any sex, drugs or alcohol... ...my GOD, my dad knows how to throw a good 13th birthday party! | |
Joke by duplicate, in Sex and shit > Age - Tagged 13 , party , birthday , teen , alcohol , drugs , sex - Current Score: 151 - Added: 3 months, 24 days ago
| My Dad came in to my room one night and said to me "Son, Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present." I said to him "For fucks sake dad you mean you haven't got me anything for my birthday again." | |
Joke by csw2342, in Jokes with no home > Birthday - Tagged present , birthday , jimm carr , dad , tomorrow , god , gift - Current Score: 147 - Added: 2 days ago
| A little girl runs to her father on her birthday and says, "Daddy, Daddy, guess how old I am today." Humouring her he says, "I don't know, honey, how old are you?" She replies, "I'm SIX!" "That's great! Go tell your uncle," he tells her. The girl runs into her uncle's room and again shouts, "Uncie, Uncie, guess how old I am today." He says "Ok, take off your knickers and I'll tell you." She does so and the uncle sticks his fingers in her, sniffs them, and says, "You're six today." She asks him, "How did you know that?" He replies, "I heard you talking to your dad." | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged birthday , grandma , grandmother - Current Score: 146 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| My gran always gets me socks for my birthday and Christmas. She says, "You can never have too many socks, my love". You can if you're Heather Mills. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Celebrity and news events > Heather Mills - Tagged heather mills , gran , birthday , christmas , socks - Current Score: 140 - Added: 1 month ago
| My mother's a gullible old dear, so when she asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I wrote out a list. She spent hours at the shopping centre trying to find an air guitar, and a fanny magnet. But she wasn't fooled at all by my request for the book; "French Military Victories." | |
Joke by Boogaloo, in Jokes with no home > Mother - Tagged mother , birthday , shopping , guitar , fanny , book , french - Current Score: 134 - Added: 1 month ago
| 'Mum, I want a bike for my birthday’ demanded Little Barry. He was a troublemaker at school and was constantly getting into trouble at home, at school and in the street. Barry's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Barry, of course, thought he did. Barry's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behaviour over the last year, and write a letter to God, and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday. LETTER 1: Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Barry. Barry knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started again. LETTER 2: Dear God, This is your friend Barry. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you, Barry. Barry knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again. LETTER 3: Dear God, I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday. Your friend, Barry. Barry knew he could not send this letter to God either. Barry was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church. Barry's mother thought her plan had worked because Barry looked very sad. 'Just be home in time for dinner,' his mother said. Barry walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Barry began to write his letter to God. LETTER 4: Dear God, I've got your Mum. If you ever want to see her again, Send the Fucking Bike!! | |
Joke by Gash TL, in Religion and racism > God - Tagged little barry , wee bastard , bike , birthday , virgin mary - Current Score: 132 - Added: 1 day ago
| Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!" The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged birthday , husband - Current Score: 130 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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