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| A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving. "Excuse me do I know you?" he asks. "Yes, I think you are the father of one of my kids" she says. The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says, "Fucking hell, are you the bird I shagged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me, and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?" "No," she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher!" |    |
Joke by Hugh(_!_)Janus, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged tesco , blonde , sex , fetish , school - Current Score: 378 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| One evening a priest was sitting on a pew at the front of his church, quietly praying to the Lord. A hot blonde suddenly came in and the priest asked her, "what can I do for you, my child?" The blonde immediately jumped on him and said, "I want you now! Take me!" "I beg your pardon?" the priest exclaimed. "Fuck me now," she said, "fuck me hard up the ass!" The priest by now was sweating and trembling at the sight of the blonde lifting up her blouse revealing a pair of huge tits. "But, my child, you are in the house of the Lord!" the priest desperately replied. "I don't care, take this horny virgin now you sexy son of a bitch!" the blonde exclaimed finally. The priest, now shaking, sweating terribly and feeling himself go hard, turned towards the front of the church and, looking up to the Lord, he cried "Jesus Christ, help me - what should I do?" "DON'T JUST STAND THERE YOU STUPID IDIOT, GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING CROSS!" | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > Jesus - Tagged priest , blonde , tits , jesus , ass - Current Score: 339 - Added: 5 months, 25 days ago
| A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he's drinking. He says, "Magic beer. You want one?" "Aw, that's stupid. There's no such thing" she says. "Look, I'll show you". He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the building, and back into bar window. "That's incredible! I don't believe it!" she says. "Hey barkeep, throw me another one o' them Magic Beers". The bartender shakes his head and pours another beer and slides it down the bar. The man chugs about half of it and proceeds to leap out the window and circle the building again. "Here, you try it" he says to the blonde. She takes a big draw on the glass, jumps out of the window, and falls about 30 feet to the ground - breaking both her legs - and begins screaming in pain. The bartender says, "Superman, you're a real bastard when you're drunk." | |
Joke by windaddy, in Jokes with no home > Superheroes - Tagged superman , blonde , drinking - Current Score: 266 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A blonde and a brunette are talking in the office... Blonde: I'm not feeling very well... I have a sore throat. Brunette: When I have a sore throat, I give my husband a blow job... the next day, my throat is fine. Blonde: Hmmm... interesting. The next day... Brunette: How's your throat? Blonde: Fine... your idea was great! Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea! | |
Joke by poosmellsyucky, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged husband , sorethroat , blow , job , blonde - Current Score: 238 - Added: 9 months ago
| A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention, and- to keep him quiet- she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep. | |
Joke by ht, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged lawyer , blonde , flight , money - Current Score: 226 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A blonde began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?" "Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the fucking goalie." | |
Joke by Sticky, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged goalie , blonde , school , football , stupid - Current Score: 187 - Added: 1 year ago
| A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 stunningly beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in £50 notes. Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it! Standing there are two people dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb and hang him by the neck until dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies! One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish..... having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me." | |
Joke by pricktits, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged blonde , genie , black , racism , kkk - Current Score: 137 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet £20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed.. "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men. | |
Joke by S011, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged craps , blonde , woman , men - Current Score: 114 - Added: 5 months ago
| There was a near tragedy at my local shopping centre recently. A power cut left four blondes stranded on an escalator for almost five hours. | |
Joke by Munsta, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged stupidity , blonde - Current Score: 110 - Added: 10 months ago
| There are three mums - a Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says, "Oh my gosh, I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed" They comfort her and the redhead says, "Yes, well I found a fake I. D. in my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one." So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says, "That's nothing, I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis." | |
Joke by The Wolf, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged brunette , redhead , blonde , idiot , mum , penis - Current Score: 104 - Added: 6 months ago
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