Tag: blood - Sickipedia

Browsing tag: blood
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I Raped a Virgin and All I Got Was This Bloody T-Shirt

Joke by cj-underhill, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rape , virgin , t-shirt , blood - Current Score: 354 - Added: 1 week ago

I'd like to leave this world like I came into it:

Screaming, naked and covered in someone else's blood!

Joke by ben dover, in Sex and shit > Naked Body - Tagged naked , blood , screaming , world , ben dover - Current Score: 115 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago

What's got wings and sucks blood?

Always Ultra.

Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Politician - Tagged periods , blood , wings - Current Score: 111 - Added: 9 months ago

A copper in London pulled over a driver who'd been weaving in and out of the traffic. He approached the car window and said, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser."

The man reached into his pocket and produced a doctor's note. On it was written: "This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath."

The officer said, "OK then; I need you to come and give a blood sample."

The man produced another letter. This one read: "This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way."

So the officer said, "Right, I need a urine sample then."

The man produced a third letter from his pocket.

It read, "This man is an American. Please don't take the piss out of him."

Joke by the phantom phucker, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged driver , police , drunk , asthma , blood , sample , urine , football , derby county , piss - Current Score: 97 - Added: 8 months ago

TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.

(Jerry Seinfeld)

Joke by johnboy, in Jokes with no home > Violence - Tagged tv , blood , crap - Current Score: 70 - Added: 4 months, 25 days ago

We hear a lot in the news about Jehovah's Witnesses dying because they have refused blood transfusions.

Natural selection, anyone?

Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Jehovahs Witness - Tagged blood , jehova's witness , death - Current Score: 69 - Added: 6 months ago

I just found out my girlfriend is having her period..

I caught her red handed...

Joke by SickBastard, in Sex and shit > Period - Tagged blood , hands , cunt , vagina , period - Current Score: 32 - Added: 5 months ago

I saw a recent TV advert for blood donation, in which Sharon Osborne says " An anonymous blood donor saved my life."

I really hope it wasn't me- I'm certainly never giving blood again.

Joke by bizlop, in Illness and mortality > blood - Tagged viz jokes , viz , sharon osborne , blood , music , hospital , tv , advert - Current Score: 31 - Added: 2 months ago

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

OK, follow me, he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him tongues hanging out for blood.

"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I fucking didn't."

Joke by jimbob369258, in Jokes with no home > Stupid - Tagged bats , blood , tree - Current Score: 24 - Added: 8 months ago

An old bloke riding his bike gets knocked down by a bus. The paramedics did all they could, and were just about to pronounce him dead, when suddenly a blonde bird pulls down her knickers & sits on his face. 2 minutes later, the old man starts coughing, and comes back to life.

"It's a miracle" said the paramedic

The blonde replies.."all he needed was a quick blood transfusion"

Joke by a330_captain, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged old , bloke , bus , paramedic , blonde , blood - Current Score: 18 - Added: 5 months ago

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