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| A man is driving down a main road when he sees a blue light in the rear view mirror, and hears the police siren. He pulls over. The traffic cop comes up to his window and says, "Excuse me, sir, but are you aware that when you went round that roundabout back there, your wife fell out of the passenger door?" The man says, "Thank God for that! I thought I'd gone deaf!" |    |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Husband - Tagged wife , driving , sexist , marriage , cunt , bollocks - Current Score: 132 - Added: 1 year ago
| What's the best way to give your dog a bone? Tickle his balls! | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged bestiality , dog , balls , bollocks - Current Score: 60 - Added: 10 months ago
| A mother said to her daughter on her wedding day, "the way to really turn a man on is to nibble his ear lobes." The daughter replied, "no, mum, I think that's bollocks." | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Daughters - Tagged bollocks , ear , nibble , jimmy carr - Current Score: 37 - Added: 9 months ago
| A bloke keeps chickens and one day an egg rolls out of the chicken run and onto his Pakistani neighbours garden. The Pakistani guy picks it up and says, "this is my egg now." The Chicken owner says, "I think you will find it's actually mine." "No, it's on my land therefore it's mine," says the Pakistani guy. "In England, when we have a dispute over something, we perform a little ritual," says the owner. "What's that then?" asks the Pakistani. "We take it in turns to kick each other in the bollocks and the first one to go down loses, and as it's my egg I get to go first." "Okay, let's go for it." The Pakistani braces himself whilst the English guy takes a long run and then gives him one almighty kick right in the gonads. With tears in his eyes and his legs seriously shaking, the Pakistani guy manages to compose himself and in a very high pitched voice says, "okay, I didn't go down, it's my turn now." The English guy replies, "fuck it - you can keep it." | |
Joke by ben dover, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged pakistani , chicken , egg , bollocks , ben dover - Current Score: 30 - Added: 4 months, 11 days ago
| Little Johnny was playing with something in the road. The local vicar came up to him and said, "hello, little Johnny. What's that your playing with?" Little Johnny replied, "it`s Sulphuric acid." "You mustn't play with that," gasped the vicar, "it's dangerous" Little Johhny says,"hey, I don't tell you not to play with holy water!" The vicar says, "no, because holy water is good. The other day I put holy water on a pregnant woman's tummy and she passed a baby boy." "Well..." says little Johnny "...the other day I put Sulphuric Acid on my dogs Bollocks and he passed a Ferrari." | |
Joke by Lovelace, in Sex and shit > Little Johnny - Tagged vicar , acid , dog , bollocks , ferrari - Current Score: 28 - Added: 8 months ago
| Little julie gets her first period, feeling uncomfortable about talking to her parents, she decides to ask Johnny next door. She whips up her skirt and shows him where she's bleeding from. After a few minutes, Johnny scratches his chin and says "well, l'm no expert, but it looks like someone's ripped your bollocks off" ! | |
Joke by dockman, in Sex and shit > Period - Tagged period , bollocks - Current Score: 24 - Added: 14 hours ago
| Little Johnny takes his girlfriend to his house to meet his parents but warns her that they're both deaf and dumb. They get there and walk into the living room. Mum has a beer bottle up her fanny and Dad has his nuts hanging out and a match propping one eye open. His girlfriend says, "what the fuck is this?" Johnny replies, "oh, it's sign language: Mum is saying 'Get the beers in ya cunt' and Dad is saying 'Bollocks, I'm watching the match!'" | |
Joke by bruvley, in Sex and shit > Parents - Tagged cunt , bollocks , parents , little johnny , girlfriend , beer - Current Score: 22 - Added: 6 months, 25 days ago
| My 8 year old has asked me to post this joke she heard at school today. Why did Tigger look in the toilet? Because he was looking for Pooh. She says it is better than the usual Nigger shit and fucking bollocks on here and it should give the cunts a good laugh. | |
Joke by dutchie, in Jokes with no home > Kids - Tagged kids , bollocks , shit - Current Score: 21 - Added: 2 days ago
| A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks. "Cojones, senor," the waiter replies. "What are cojones?" the man asks. "Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon." At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again. After dinner the man informed the waiter that these were better than the pair he had the previous afternoon but the portion was much smaller. "Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not lose every time." | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged bollocks - Current Score: 17 - Added: 7 months ago
| Why don't blondes in san francisco wear mini skirts? Because you'd see their bollocks. | |
Joke by GIZZARD, in Religion and racism > Blondes - Tagged blondes , bollocks , mini skirt - Current Score: 15 - Added: 4 months, 7 days ago
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