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| Me and my wife are driving along the Motorway doing 55 mph. She looks over at me and says, "I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." I say nothing but slowly increase the speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you." Again I stay quiet and just speed up as my anger increases. She says, "I want the house." I speed up again, and I'm now doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids, too." I just keep driving faster and faster, now up to 80mph. She says, "I want the car, the bank account and all the credit cards too." I slowly start to veer toward a concrete bridge pillar as she enquires, "Is there anything you want?" So I respond with, "no thanks, I've got everything I need." She asks, "what's that then?" Just before we hit the wall at 90 mph I say, "I've got the airbag." |    |
Joke by staffer, in Sex and shit > Divorce - Tagged airbag , divorce , kids , house , bridge - Current Score: 188 - Added: 1 month, 24 days ago
| A lorry driver was driving along a country road when he spotted a sign that read, 'Low Bridge Ahead'. Before he had realised, the bridge was directly ahead and though he optimistically ploughed on he got stuck, wedged underneath it, leaving cars backed up for miles. Finally a police car arrived on the scene, and the policeman walked up to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?" The lorry driver replied, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!" | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged lorry , bridge , police , stuck - Current Score: 125 - Added: 10 months, 13 days ago
| A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Please Lord build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over any time I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord said, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?" | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged lord , bridge , wish , women , god - Current Score: 79 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Why is sex like a bridge game ? You don't need a partner if you have a good hand. | |
Joke by jokes2ulol, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged bridge , sex , wank , lol - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| David Beckham and Gary Neville are sitting watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatening to jump off a bridge. Beckham says to Gary Neville " I bet you £100 that he doesn't jump", Gary Neville replies '"OK I bet you £100 that he DOES jump" Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself. Beckham gets out £100 and gives it to Gary. Gary says "I can't take your money, it wouldn't be fair. You're my best mate and all that............ I had watched the 12 'o' clock news earlier and it was on then, so I knew he was going to jump" Beckham replied "I watched the 12 'o' clock news as well but i didn't think that he would jump again" | |
Joke by Gobshite, in Celebrity and news events > David Beckham - Tagged beckham , bridge , gary neville - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What have Stamford Bridge and space got in common? Loads of stars and no atmosphere. | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Sports - Tagged stars , atmosphere , bridge , space , chelsea , football - Current Score: 38 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Two American women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream. Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place. Fortunately they come to an old bridge spanning the stream. Deciding the bridge safe, the two women proceed to cross. Halfway across, one woman stops and says to the other, "I've always wanted to be like the guys, and urinate off a bridge." The other woman looks around and says, "Well, I don't see anyone around, now's your chance!" The first woman drops her hiking shorts and backs over to the side of the bridge. As she begins to urinate, she looks over her shoulder. "Holy shit!" she exclaims, "I just pissed in a canoe!" Alarmed, the second woman hurries over, and peeks at the stream. "Calm down," she says. "That wasn't a canoe you pissed in you soft cow, it was your reflection." | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged pissed , woods , hiking , canoe , bridge - Current Score: 14 - Added: 3 months, 16 days ago
| How did the children in the school bus count the cars as they fell off the bridge? One Mississippi Two Mississippi ... | |
Joke by Gerbil, in Celebrity and news events > Mississippi Bridge Collapse - Tagged mississippi , bridge , disaster - Current Score: 4 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
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