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| An American ship is sailing just off the coast, when it receives a call. "This is Britain you need to divert your course 15 degrees" So the American answers back, "How about you divert your course 15 degrees or we'll bomb your ass to kingdom come!" The reply comes: "We are a lighthouse, your call" |    |
Joke by lfever, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged american , britain , ship , lighthouse - Current Score: 837 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Had a spaz attack in the shower the other day. Wasn't all bad though - half of Britain think I've got talent. | |
Joke by chrisqpr, in Celebrity and news events > Britains Got Talent - Tagged britain - Current Score: 396 - Added: 4 months ago
| I find it shocking that so many African leaders are openly criticising Western governments, especially Britain, for their role in the slave trade. Fucking hypocrites. Who sold the slaves to the whites in the first place? | |
Joke by anthony4, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged black , african , africa , africans , nigger , niggers , slave , role , slaves , whites , slave trade , britain - Current Score: 166 - Added: 2 months, 29 days ago
| I'm sure that, like me, you are very proud of our Olympic cycling gold medal winners. Truly, they are sporting heroes who have done wonders for British sport. I can't wait for them to return home, when they will once again become wankers in Spandex who clog up the roads and get in the way of cars. | |
Joke by lionarse, in Celebrity and news events > Olympics - Tagged olympics , cycling , britain , wankers , cars , bike - Current Score: 135 - Added: 1 month, 20 days ago
| Britain and America have always had this special relationship. The special relationship being that neither of us could be arsed to learn French. | |
Joke by bluedishwasher, in Jokes with no home > Arseholes - Tagged america , britain , france , marcus bridgestocke - Current Score: 98 - Added: 2 months, 13 days ago
| Avoid your body being surreptitiously filmed and used in a BBC news report about Britains obesity problem, by always wearing a T-shirt with "All newsreaders are cunts " written on it . | |
Joke by BruceWillis, in Illness and mortality > Obesity - Tagged obesity , britain , bbc , newsreaders , t-shirt , viz - Current Score: 84 - Added: 3 months ago
| There is a lot of fuss at the moment, about Britain being "obliged" to apologise for our role in the slave trade. Well, I'm White English and I'm demanding an apology for the consequences of the slave trade too- I think we would be much better off nowadays if they had left all those niggers in Africa. | |
Joke by erniehill, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged slave , nigger , niggers , blacks , slave trade , apology , tony blair , racist , racism , africa , britain , english , white - Current Score: 76 - Added: 3 months, 11 days ago
| A new map of the world has been drawn. The North Pole is at the top, the South Pole is at the bottom and every other fuckin' Pole is in Britain. | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Poles / Polish - Tagged britain , pole , south , north - Current Score: 76 - Added: 7 months, 10 days ago
| The Bird Feeder I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it lovingly with seed. It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table and next to the barbecue. Then came the bird shit. It was everywhere; on the patio tile, the chairs, the table... everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone.I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. Now let's see.... Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.Then the illegal?s came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 or more families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by a doctor in an emergency room because it is filled with illegals; Your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'The Union Jack' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.It?s just my opinion but: Maybe, just maybe, it's time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder. | |
Joke by parktower, in Religion and racism > Assylum Seekers - Tagged britain , birds , asylum , illegals - Current Score: 73 - Added: 6 months, 23 days ago
| Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Coliseum. "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious." The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar" Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some shite eh? He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag." Six months later, Caesar comes back having conquered France and addresses the crowd in the Coliseum. " Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls". The crowd is up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar". Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his bull-shit, I'm off to France to check this out." So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Coliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those bastards out" The crowd is up on their feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar" Brutus jumps up and shouts, "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out and you only killed 25,000!!!!" The crowd is stunned and all sit down in silence. Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Coliseum then across at Brutus and says, "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing... Away Gauls count double in Europe." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Caesar - Tagged caesar , brutus , france , britain , romans , rome , football rules - Current Score: 50 - Added: 7 months, 13 days ago
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