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| Englishman on holiday in Texas. He wanders into a local shitkickers bar and has a good few beers. After a while, he notices there's one of those mechanical bulls in the corner and he asks the barman if he can have a go. The barman not only says yes but grabs a mic and procedes to make a big show out of it. Englishman on a good ol' Texan bull, etc. The Englishman climbs on and the bull starts moving. "No one's ever made it past 5 minutes on their first try, Limey!" someone shouts. But the Englishman sails through the 5-minute mark. He blasts past 10 and 15 and even 20 minutes, still holding on just fine. The crowd is awestruck. He's fast approaching the World Record. The barman cranks the bull up to 11 and it goes fucking apeshit. But the plucky Englishman hangs on in there. Eventually, after 45 minutes, the bull breaks down and comes to a halt. The crowd are cheering and whooping as the barman grabs the hand of the sweating Englishman and shoves the mic in his face. "Holy Goddam shit boy! You done broke the World Record by a clear 15 minutes! How'd you do that?" The Englishman replies, "Easy. My wife's an epileptic. And if you can fuck her for 5 minutes, you can ride this bastard for an hour!" |    |
Joke by ht, in Illness and mortality > Epilepsy - Tagged epileptic , bull , englishman - Current Score: 137 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was that of breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him." They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one." The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow." The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should make a full recovery. | |
Joke by darylsws, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged bull , husband , wife , sex , cow - Current Score: 100 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| This married couple have just been to a fancy dress party and they are dressed in a cow costume with the the bloke in the front and the woman in the back. They cross over a field and the woman hears running footsteps, then she shrieks "oh my god, its a bull coming, what shall we do?" The bloke says "I'm going to eat some grass...you better fuckin' brace yourself" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Fancy Dress - Tagged cow , bull , field , bloke , grass , costume , fancy dress party - Current Score: 42 - Added: 1 year ago
| A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing. The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull. Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped. The farmer looked very pleased. "The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!" "Wow," said Banker Bill, "what did the vet do to that bull?" "Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer. "What kind of pills?" asked Banker Bill. "I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged bull , vet , banker , pills , farmer - Current Score: 11 - Added: 4 months, 17 days ago
| The only cow in a small Cheshire town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the county line in Staffordshire for £200. They bought the cow from Staffordshire and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Staffordshire?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Staffordshire?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Staffordshire." | |
Joke by dancer1625, in Jokes with no home > Farming - Tagged cow , bull , vet , staffordshire - Current Score: 9 - Added: 6 months ago
| Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, comfortable." The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She'll read it slowly." | |
Joke by Skimp, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged blond , brunette , bull - Current Score: 8 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| An old bull and a young bull are stood on top of a hill looking down at a herd of cows. The young bull turns to the old bull and says "Let's run down the hill and fuck us one of those cows!", to which the old bull replies "No son, lets walk down the hill and fuck them all" (a good tale to tell any over enthusiastic work colleague) | |
Joke by TheGreasyWeasel, in Jokes with no home > Cows - Tagged bull , fuck , hill , cows - Current Score: 0 - Added: 6 months, 13 days ago
| A man is walking along a country road when he sees a truck-sized hole in the middle of the road the hole is so dark he cannot see the bottom, intrigued he picks up a pebble and drops it down the hole to see how deep it is. The man is sitting there for a while and he doesan't hear the pebble reach the bottom so he rolls a nearby boulder down it. While he is sitting next to the hole (waiting for the boulder to reach the bottom), a Bull suddenly runs around the corner and charges towards the man, he dives out of the way a second before the bull reaches him and it falls down the hole. Just as the man is staring at the hole in disbelief a Farmer taps him on the shoulder: "Have you seen a Bull nearby?" the Farmer asks "No I haven't" the man replies (somewhat embarassed about the fact that the Bull has just fallen down the hole) "Oh...well it should be around here somewhere, you see I tied it to this great big boulder" the Farmer replied | |
Joke by D dude, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged bull - Current Score: 0 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
coasterdude184 got buried to -5. Reveal Joke
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